"You seem so fulfilled and happy."
"I am." It felt weird hearing those words come from my mouth, almost as weird as when she crystallized my feelings into a single statement. I had spent so long looking for the right woman, the right relationship, the right connection. I had spent so much of my time trying to make things work, hoping for people to change, hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel. Battling and fighting, and then, it was done. In the blink of an eye, the cup was removed from me and everything changed.
I now have some really cool and amazing friends that I can talk to and hang out with. I don't have to worry about anything. I get to devote myself to my friends, my career, my volunteering, my hobbies, and anything else I so choose. I don't feel like my life is overrun by anyone because the people I spend my time with are exactly the people I want to spend my time with. I finally seem to be erecting a life for myself where I am that is comfortable for me.
Beyond the concept of being "fulfilled", I still cannot for the life of me explain how I feel and how I have felt for the past week, or how it continues to just get better and better. I cannot explain why it happened when it happened. I cannot explain my overwhelming feeling that all of this is happening with some grand design in mind. I simply remember being at the very end of my rope and asking for help and watching it come more quickly and powerfully than I had ever imagined possible.
"I feel as though I spent too much time working on too many things that I thought I was supposed to have or supposed to want and never took the time to enjoy and savor the things I do have. I never took the time to relish in just being happy. I kept forgetting that I could be happy alone. I would stay single for a little while and quickly forget that I could be happy with just me and no one else and that that was ok."
"Something tells me you won't be alone for very much longer."
"Why not?"
"Because you sound happy and fulfilled and that's usually just about the time some woman comes in to ruin everything."
"Well best of luck to them because I am in absolutely no rush to get involved with anyone."
"I am." It felt weird hearing those words come from my mouth, almost as weird as when she crystallized my feelings into a single statement. I had spent so long looking for the right woman, the right relationship, the right connection. I had spent so much of my time trying to make things work, hoping for people to change, hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel. Battling and fighting, and then, it was done. In the blink of an eye, the cup was removed from me and everything changed.
I now have some really cool and amazing friends that I can talk to and hang out with. I don't have to worry about anything. I get to devote myself to my friends, my career, my volunteering, my hobbies, and anything else I so choose. I don't feel like my life is overrun by anyone because the people I spend my time with are exactly the people I want to spend my time with. I finally seem to be erecting a life for myself where I am that is comfortable for me.
Beyond the concept of being "fulfilled", I still cannot for the life of me explain how I feel and how I have felt for the past week, or how it continues to just get better and better. I cannot explain why it happened when it happened. I cannot explain my overwhelming feeling that all of this is happening with some grand design in mind. I simply remember being at the very end of my rope and asking for help and watching it come more quickly and powerfully than I had ever imagined possible.
"I feel as though I spent too much time working on too many things that I thought I was supposed to have or supposed to want and never took the time to enjoy and savor the things I do have. I never took the time to relish in just being happy. I kept forgetting that I could be happy alone. I would stay single for a little while and quickly forget that I could be happy with just me and no one else and that that was ok."
"Something tells me you won't be alone for very much longer."
"Why not?"
"Because you sound happy and fulfilled and that's usually just about the time some woman comes in to ruin everything."
"Well best of luck to them because I am in absolutely no rush to get involved with anyone."
I love your paragraph that starts, "I feel as though I spent too much time. . . ." Great sentiments, J--something we all need help remembering sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you're happy. :)
ReplyDeleteAwwwww this post made me smile :)
ReplyDeleteI find that when one is happy and fulfilled no matter what then people, places and events just come on in to sustain that happy feeling.
And yeah a lot of times as soon as we get happy with being single some man or women comes on in and chaos rules once again :)
You are a very wise guy (not to be confused with a wise-guy). This was a good reminder to me for my own personal life. Thanks.
ReplyDelete