"Well, she's been sleeping with someone else."
"What!?"
"Yeah. Well actually, the guy she was having an affair with, recently ended it."
"He ended it?!"
"Yeah, but you can't tell her husband about it."
"But he's my best friend."
"Yeah, but she's mine."
"Wow, this is complicated."
Over time, I have known a lot of people that cheated on their significant others. Generally, I have no conflict of interest, as I am friends with only one of them - the one doing the cheating. However, there is the potential for a conflict if ever I am friends with both of the people in the relationship, and I learn that one of them is cheating, or I find out that the other person is cheating on my friend. The scenario is frequent in the movies - where the guy the woman is dating, the one no one can stand, turns out to be cheating on her too.
The question then becomes, "What do you do?"
If you tell your friend, you quite likely will alienate your friend, as they are not likely to believe you, without photograph evidence, or the smoking ... contraceptive, if you will. If you don't tell your friend, you're living a lie and keeping something from your friend, but who may not be your friend if you were to tell. If your friends with both people, it gets even stickier. If you were their attorney, you would simply refer them elsewhere, as you would be conflicted out, but as their friend, you don't necessarily have that luxury.
"Why would she even tell you that? Doesn't she see that it puts you in an incredibly awkward position?"
"I find that many women are not as considerate or as nice as the movies attempt to depict them. Often we are taught to expect and believe that women are simply naturally more considerate and caring. However, I often experience that they simply think this about themselves and frequently miss the mark."
"Yeah, you do have some good stories."
"They're only good when they aren't your life."
"What!?"
"Yeah. Well actually, the guy she was having an affair with, recently ended it."
"He ended it?!"
"Yeah, but you can't tell her husband about it."
"But he's my best friend."
"Yeah, but she's mine."
"Wow, this is complicated."
Over time, I have known a lot of people that cheated on their significant others. Generally, I have no conflict of interest, as I am friends with only one of them - the one doing the cheating. However, there is the potential for a conflict if ever I am friends with both of the people in the relationship, and I learn that one of them is cheating, or I find out that the other person is cheating on my friend. The scenario is frequent in the movies - where the guy the woman is dating, the one no one can stand, turns out to be cheating on her too.
The question then becomes, "What do you do?"
If you tell your friend, you quite likely will alienate your friend, as they are not likely to believe you, without photograph evidence, or the smoking ... contraceptive, if you will. If you don't tell your friend, you're living a lie and keeping something from your friend, but who may not be your friend if you were to tell. If your friends with both people, it gets even stickier. If you were their attorney, you would simply refer them elsewhere, as you would be conflicted out, but as their friend, you don't necessarily have that luxury.
"Why would she even tell you that? Doesn't she see that it puts you in an incredibly awkward position?"
"I find that many women are not as considerate or as nice as the movies attempt to depict them. Often we are taught to expect and believe that women are simply naturally more considerate and caring. However, I often experience that they simply think this about themselves and frequently miss the mark."
"Yeah, you do have some good stories."
"They're only good when they aren't your life."
Don't tell.
ReplyDeleteThe messenger always dies.... Talk to her and tell her she should not have put you in that position.
Most women like to offload problems off themselves, and this is exactly what shes done by telling you. Don't let her get away with it.
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You have to tell them. I have two good girlfriends who are both amazing women and are dating the same guy. He knows I'm friends with both of them and I have hung out with him and both friends and totally tell the other one what's up. And here's the kicker - the ladies met a few weeks ago when I was out with one of them and ran into the other. Now they are good friends.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the same would work with your pals.