Stephanie will often come up with a gem, or something that reaffirms to me that perhaps, just maybe, there are other people out there that actually think about things.
"On some level I suppose that's why make-up sex can get so hot, especially when it starts before you've actually made up. Or more importantly, why so many of us stick around in the wrong relationships. We're hoping our partner might soften to us, might hopefully change. We know better, certainly, but we ignore our heads and follow our hearts... into heartbreak."
I have several female friends caught in this pattern. They've been doing it for years, through multiple relationships, and I suppose that by now it's become old hat and familiar. I'm not even sure if they would know what to do in any other type of relationship anymore. One of my friends recently explained to me how her entire relationship was ridiculous and said that she needed to move on and begin anew. The next day she came to me rather excitedly, "He's coming to visit me!"
"This is the guy you thought you should move on from, right?"
"Well yeah, but I would be lonely this weekend anyway."
"And am I to believe that being alone is a fate worse than being with the wrong person?"
It's a question that would be pointless to ask because as smart and rational as she is, she's still a fool for love. She wants it; wants it so bad she can taste it and for whatever reason, wants it from this man in particular. I can hear the familiar refrain in my head as I type, "If you only saw him the way I do." Yes, if only I could see him in the irrational light you have him glowing in, I'm sure it would be amazing.
However, it would be unfair to my friend to say that she is alone in her pursuit. Some of the most accomplished and intelligent women I have known through my life fall into this cycle. "A person's level of intelligence bears no real relation to their behavior. Abusive people can be nuclear physicists." Something so obvious and so true and yet I have to pay her for this insight.
"On some level I suppose that's why make-up sex can get so hot, especially when it starts before you've actually made up. Or more importantly, why so many of us stick around in the wrong relationships. We're hoping our partner might soften to us, might hopefully change. We know better, certainly, but we ignore our heads and follow our hearts... into heartbreak."
I have several female friends caught in this pattern. They've been doing it for years, through multiple relationships, and I suppose that by now it's become old hat and familiar. I'm not even sure if they would know what to do in any other type of relationship anymore. One of my friends recently explained to me how her entire relationship was ridiculous and said that she needed to move on and begin anew. The next day she came to me rather excitedly, "He's coming to visit me!"
"This is the guy you thought you should move on from, right?"
"Well yeah, but I would be lonely this weekend anyway."
"And am I to believe that being alone is a fate worse than being with the wrong person?"
It's a question that would be pointless to ask because as smart and rational as she is, she's still a fool for love. She wants it; wants it so bad she can taste it and for whatever reason, wants it from this man in particular. I can hear the familiar refrain in my head as I type, "If you only saw him the way I do." Yes, if only I could see him in the irrational light you have him glowing in, I'm sure it would be amazing.
However, it would be unfair to my friend to say that she is alone in her pursuit. Some of the most accomplished and intelligent women I have known through my life fall into this cycle. "A person's level of intelligence bears no real relation to their behavior. Abusive people can be nuclear physicists." Something so obvious and so true and yet I have to pay her for this insight.
I was in a relationship for 4 years that was out of comfort and fear of being alone. The wonder of "Will anyone love me?" "am I ready to start this all over again with someone new?" always loomed in the back of my mind. Always until I realized that he was never going to change and my bi-polar relationship would always remain the same. Then it took an asston (that's a technical term) of courage to say goodbye and step outside of the comfort zone and live for me.
ReplyDeleteIt'll happen for them... I hope so anyway.
IT is very hard to let go of someone you love. Even if your rational mind needs to and KNOWs they will never change but that other part of you just hangs on to that hope
ReplyDeleteWe associate love with specific persons because we are human. But in reality it is not about that person but about how they made us feel (loved) and the chemistry. if we break up but dont have another to make us feel that way then we go back.
I know exactly how your friend feels. Though If I KNEW he was horribly wrong I would not even hang on to the hope of getting back together.
Life is screwey - relationships are odd - end of story. LOL