Friday, March 28, 2008

Overflow

Bloggers write a lot. That is what I have determined after my exhaustive study and analysis, which has mostly consisted of me opening my rss reader every day and seeing far too many unread posts. The odd part is so many of the bloggers I used to read when I started blogging a few years ago, no longer seem to be in the game anymore. Yet, I still have all these unread posts, which means I am either reading more bloggers now or the remaining people really need another hobby.

Life for me has been busy and stressful the last few weeks. I think it should settle down soon, but until it does, I exist in varying stages of stress. The odd part is that most of the things I am stressed about are actually good things - opportunities and such, but how do I know if they are good opportunities or the right choice. It is questions like this that make me sleepless at night and no one seems to have any answers. They may start out thinking that they do but after talking to me for a few minutes they shake their heads, toss up their hands and say, "Good luck with that." I cannot say that I blame them. I would do the same thing, except I happen to be in the unfortunate position of having to make the ultimate decision. Somehow, I think people feel I should be happier about my current position.

Work has been good. Two of our paralegals, though, have cancer. It is a scary thing. I watched my mother go through it and the treatments years ago and now I get to watch some of the staff experience it. It seems like so many people get it. I feel like all of us will end up with it within another forty years, which really sort of sucks, when you think about it.

I have given up on the election for the next few months. My girlfriend is still passionate about it but I have sort of resigned myself to the fact the next president will just be stuck with a huge mess on his/her hands and they probably are not going to be able to fix it. Sure, the Federal Reserve can act in the wink of an eye - overnight even - and rescue a failing bank, but any relief for failing homeowners has to go through Congress and committee and be discussed, ad nauseum . I keep hearing about how these people knew what they were doing and that they were reckless and that they should not be rewarded for it - they should have to face the consequences. Meanwhile, we funnel billions of taxpayer dollars to the banks that all helped cause it.

I do not know how reckless these people were. I attended a lot of real estate closings with a lot of buyers, back when the market was booming. You always knew when you were with someone that really could not afford the loan they were about to get, but the broker had talked them into it. We would talk to the borrower about negative amortization and the loan interest reset date and the borrower would sometimes briefly have a slightly worried expression but the broker or someone else in the room would reassure them that they would just refinance before then - after all with all that built-up equity, the banks would be lining up to hand them money. We knew the crash was coming. We all watched the banks writing absolutely ridiculous loans, with the lenders and mortgage brokers making insane fees, and then the bottom fell out and everyone was surprised. I was in a meeting one day and got to watch an attorney blame a local paper for the collapse of the real estate market because it was just alarmist and did not understand the market.

Much of our society does not make sense to me when it comes to the financial markets. For example, the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities has generated a new report based upon information from the IRS. It says a few interesting things: 1) 2006 was the fourth straight year of significant income gains at the very top and very small gains everywhere else: from 2002-2006, the top 1% had average incomes rise by 44% or $335,0000. The bottom 90% had incomes rise by 3%, or $1000; 2) The share of the nation's income going to the top 1% hasn't been that high since just before the Great Depression; and, 3) Those in the very top income distribution--the top one-tenth of 1 percent--had enormous income gains rising 60%, or $1.9 million per household, since 2002. See also this blog.

Monday, March 24, 2008

It's Not You; It's I

It took me a long time to learn of the concept of speaking in "I terms" when having any sort of relational discussion. It took me even longer to learn how to apply it, but I think it has been one of the single greatest things I have ever utilized, leading to more productive and simplified discussions.

The concept, as I understand it and apply it is fairly simple. When entering any sort of discussion that may be heated or volatile, instead of saying "you [do or don't do this behavior that's really annoying me right now]," you think of a way of starting that sentence with an "I". Often times, I now find myself pausing when in some sort of heated discussion, trying to find a way that I can begin the sentence with an "I feel". Because really, just like when I was in therapy, it is not about them, it is about me and how the actions of another person are affecting me and why.

This approach, I have found does so many fantastic things that may not otherwise be achievable. First, it helps to lessen the other person's defense mechanisms and makes them more approachable on the subject because you are conveying to them how you feel, and if they care about you, that is going to illicit a better reaction than something more accusing in nature. Second, it actually helps frame the discussion for you and the other person. Why the hell are you really upset or annoyed - what sort of affect is that person's behavior having on you and is it even rational. Third, the discussion has a much higher probability of being productive and finding some sort of solution to make it not happen again. Fourth, it usually shortens the process.

Oftentimes, I found in my past relationships that there would be a huge explosive fight that would drag on for a bit and then that would usually resolve in one of two ways. Either there would be a reconciliation with a mildly more rational conversation or there would just be a reconciliation with nothing actually resolved other than the fight was over and we could go back to the way things were, which really only meant we would prolong the unhappiness because we were still nowhere closer to understanding one another or why the other was unhappy; all we knew was that they were unhappy.

Overall, this often means that you just end up fighting less frequently because you both begin to completely understand one another and yourselves that much better. You begin to be able to sort of gauge everything just a little more cleanly and it makes for a smoother relationship overall, which is not to say it will be a perfect relationship, or even the right relationship, but it certainly makes the entire process much more fulfilling and enjoyable, for everyone concerned.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

My Absence

Where can I begin other than with the simple statement, "I love chocolate milk." No, that is not to invite any sexual innuendo or speculation. Last week, we went grocery shopping and there was a huge container (for you novices, that's one-half gallon) of chocolate milk, and I remembered that I had been thinking about buying chocolate milk for months now but never seemed to be able to find any fat free and hormone free chocolate milk. Yet, there it was, staring at me with its beguiling packaging, indicating the deliciousness that lay within. I repeat, no sexual innuendo intended. Later, I brought the milk home and poured myself a glass. The delicious velvety texture invited me to savor as much as I could, and me being weak, I nearly finished the glass in one drought. The versatility of this brown liquid concoction of awesome was fully revealed when it became apparent that it even tasted good with vodka because of course that's the test of any real liquid - whether it makes liquor more palatable.

And so, my friends, that's how I invented the light bulb. Wait, no that's not right. Where was I? Ah yes, my absence.

Well, the short answer is I ran out of things to write. I kept worrying about what everyone else might want to read or find interesting that I was paralyzed and could not write anything. Even when my very overweight male neighbor was seen in black dress with stockings and heels, I simply couldn't bring myself to type the words out. Oh, sure, people might find this anecdote interesting, but what's a few lines. I need more. I need something of substance. I need something special. I was also really busy and often very tired, as a result of my insomnia that seems to come and go as it pleases.

Then I woke up one morning and was over it. Partially thanks to antihistamines forcing me to sleep at least seven hours every night. Thank you modern medicine. Not to mention the healing powers of fat free chocolate milk. One could almost argue that it should be a crime for something to taste that good and not be illegal, but that someone would not be me. I am too busy arguing for other things and getting paid for it. Plus, I have better thing to talk about here than chocolate milk. I mean who would go and write a post about chocolate milk? Seriously. Oh, really? Oh. Well, never mind then.
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