Infrequent

As those of you who still read my blog might have noticed, I have not been updating frequently, and when I do, it is often with writing exercises and short character scene sketches, which have been rather fun to write. Unfortunately, after the last installment, I found out that my girlfriend was becoming attached to my characters and she didn't want anything bad to happen to them, which greatly limited my options. So I sort of let the characters sit. I also was not sure if many readers actually liked the writing or the style of it. They were unpolished.

However, all of that still does not explain why I have been so lax in updating. Part of it has been a lack of creativity on my part. I've just felt drained. I have been really busy at work the last couple of months and and when I get home at night, I haven't had the energy to pour into a new post. Plus, I have finally started going back to the gym on a somewhat regular basis. I am supposed to workout at least three times per week, with some physical therapy exercises thrown in and attend physical therapy once per week for about the next month. The shoulder recovery will probably not be 100%, but it should be better than it was. I also got my final cavity filled, but found out that I need to go in for surgery and get all my wisdom teeth out.

I have also had some family issues going on. I do not have a very big family. In fact, I barely have any family. Almost my entire family has abandoned me over my life, is it any wonder I have trouble forming healthy attachments. I think all of that has taken its toll on me emotionally, as has some crazy financial adviser lady in-town that decided to pursue a mission in getting me fired this past week. The excitement just never seems to end. However, things have been more or less good.

I still have the same girlfriend and I do not hate her. This is a huge thing for me because normally within three months, often three weeks, I am tired of the woman I am dating and want to breakup with her, but I like this one. We've even been testing the limits and living with each other for weeks at a time and so far, I haven't scared her away. I think she must be crazy.

I got a phone call from a former student this week. She needed advice regarding her legal career options. She just had her first child a couple of years ago and she's getting divorced. I barely knew she was even married and now she's going to be divorced. And I just found out last week that another woman I know has been married and divorced already. It was all so fast, like a shooting star. It's often stories like that that make me feel alright for not being in a rush to walk down the aisle and exchange tokens in front of friends and family; there simply is no need to rush the rest of one's life.

He Speaks

Rachel's heart raced as he walked through the door, an experience normally reserved for her nights at the gym. Although, she felt he could likely give her a much more satisfying workout. However, Richard wasn't having any of it. You had to hand it to the man, not a lot of men (wedding band or not) could resist a 21 year old woman's advances for three years straight and counting. She often wondered why he didn't just terminate her. He had never been anything but kind to her, however.

Richard seemed to have an extra spring in his step as he entered and greeted Rachel, an exercise he had repeated with meticulous regularity over the years, sharing a smile with her that he normally reserved for his daughter. He knew she had a crush on him and he knew it was completely inappropriate, but he chalked it up to Rachel needing a father figure in her life and her mistaking those feelings for him as love, or that's what that Dr. Phil-type psychologist had said to the girl who had called in one day. Richard assumed it was a condition she would eventually outgrow and just didn't see it as a problem of any real consequence. Despite all the examples he knew to the contrary, Richard could never see himself as carrying on an affair. He just wasn't wired that way.

Many of his friends had stories of their extramarital exploits - they would share them in whispers over pints at the local drinking establishments, and if nothing else, they were tremendously entertaining. However, he could just never do that to his family. He loved his wife. Granted, their love had been, at times, more clinical than passionate, but it was genuine, and his love for his children was beyond reproach. Yes, Samantha and David could be a bit of a handful, at times, but he loved them unconditionally. He loved seeing them smile more than seeing the sunrise, and he was so proud of their accomplishments. His car covered in those pretentious, "my child is on the honor roll," bumper stickers. He could not imagine ever bringing pain into their lives that way.

Their mother was not who anyone would have expected him to end up with. And if her sudden pregnancy in college hadn't occurred, they likely wouldn't have lasted the year, but that wasn't how they were raised. You had to make it work for the children. That's what they said. He swore there had been a sexual revolution somewhere along the way, but somehow his parents and wife had missed it, at least in this respect. There was a way things were done. So he buckled down - traded in his somewhat promising career as a musician for one as an attorney, "Every one's got to pay the mortgage," and set about making a life centered around his family. The odd thing was that Mary and his children were probably the best things that had ever happened in his life. His love for Mary had blossomed over the years and had added a vibrancy to his life that he very likely would have otherwise missed. Somehow, he had grown up to be the man he had always imagined, although, he wasn't quite clear when it had all happened.

This morning had been a tremendous release for them both. The last several weeks had been punctuated with stress regarding their children passing school and state exams, and helping them review and getting them to this practice or that lesson. It was as if a whirlwind of chaos existed in their home at all times over the past several weeks, and then, suddenly, there was calm, and there was a moment and he used it for all it was worth. He still remembered her nails digging into him and her legs wrapping around his body as she writhed in ecstasy....

Richard looked up from some documents as he heard someone enter his office and close the door. "Looks like someone got some this morning." It was John, Richard's friend from law school and another attorney at the firm. Apparently, the smile on his face had not gone unnoticed by the other members of his office. Fortunately, John was smart enough to say it behind closed doors.

A smile of satisfaction and ego appeared on Richard's face. "I took care of that."

"It's about fucking time, man. I was starting to worry about you."

Work Day

Regina continued to gaze over at Mary. Something was different about her. Regina's co-worker had been smiling more and there was a spring in her step. She reminded her of her eight year old daughter that seemed to be enjoying her summer vacation more than should ever be allowed. It was as though she had found a secret fountain of happiness somewhere. Regina snatched another Dove chocolate from her drawer, and savored the warmth of the confection as it slowly flowed down her throat. Maybe Mary had just found some really good chocolate.

Mary felt every one's eyes upon her, the center of attention for everyone, or so she had herself believing. She smiled over at Regina, who seemed to have a slightly quizzical look on her face. The two had worked side-by-side for over ten years, back before Regina even had children. She had gotten to watch Regina grow and become the woman that she was over the years. In many ways, Regina was like another daughter to Mary, and in her mind had ceased to advance in years past the age of seventeen. Sure, they talked about children and marriage, but more as one confides with a daughter. Regina's husband was a nice enough guy, but he never would have likely kept her attention if he hadn't knocked her up at the tender age of sixteen. Suddenly the man that was only ever good enough for a passing fancy was her one and only for the rest of her life, or that's how the storybooks read. Mary was too far advanced past fairy tales to really give them much more than a passing thought, but she could never bring herself to remove any such hope from someone she loved and cared for.

"Did you get a raise?"

Mary smiled back at the question. The grin simply could not be removed from her face and it seemed to continually grow with each passing second. "You know annual reviews aren't until December," she replied with a knowing coy glance.

Regina tossed this around in her brain momentarily and then her mind landed on something unexpected. "You're children are away at camp now, aren't they?"

"Mmmm hmmmm." She couldn't suppress the almost gigglish smile that was spreading across her face now, as her eyes danced. She struggled to keep her face down and focus on her filing, knowing that if she met Regina's gaze she would break into a fit of exuberance.

"So you and Joe had a good morning, then? It must be peaceful without the children around."

Finally, Mary looked up. "My morning was many things, but I wouldn't call it peaceful." The two exchanged a knowing glance and merriment danced across their faces. One vicariously exuberant with the happiness of her friend. This would definitely give them something to talk about and breakup the monotony of another day in their bleak office.

Early Monday Morning

She brushed the hair out of her face and slowed down just enough to smile. Sure it had made her late, but the moment she had shared with him earlier that morning still made her knees a little weak, and made the prospect of another day at this pointless governmental job easier to accept. It had been a while since they had stolen a moment like that - like teenage newlyweds again. Normally, the whirlwind of activity that filled their lives began at sunup and continued well after sundown, getting the kids packed up and getting them to school, picking up after them, refereeing their fights, helping them with homework. However, summer had arrived, and with it sleep away camp had provided some much needed time and relief.

No one had ever told her that her life would be like this. She loved her life and she adored her children, but she just thought it would be different. She had different hopes and dreams as an adolescent. At some point, she had let them go rushing past her face to embrace the life that she now had. Sometimes the loss hit her straight in the face and she spent a moment questioning her entire life and the direction of it. Dreaming of what her life would have been like if maybe things were just a little different. Maybe if she had not had children. Maybe if she had risked a little more. Maybe if she had pursued that opportunity. It was supposed to have turned out differently. But when he held her in his arms this morning, as they both struggled to catch their breath and she rested her head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat, she could not imagine her life to be any other way. In that moment it was clear that this was exactly where she was supposed to be. In that moment, all the little voices of question and doubt were silenced and all she could think of was how perfect this moment was.

She quickened her pace again to catch the door that was being held open for her, plunging herself into another day of mindless activity, but at least now she had something else more fun to let her mind explore, their upcoming evening together.