Turkey Crisis of 2007

Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, we wound up with two turkeys for Thanksgiving. You needn't ask how because it would only lead to a convoluted story culminating with me completely mournful that I somehow had to find something to do with this extra turkey before Thanksgiving, as it simply was not going to last.

For those of you still reading, let me briefly recap. We were going out of town for Thanksgiving and not cooking *our* turkey meal until Sunday, for an intimate gathering of friends. One of the turkeys we got was simply not going to last until Sunday. There was discussion and some extensive online research on the subject, and various "professionals" were asked, but all this lead to a completely inconclusive conclusion. As such, we decided to err on the side of caution and cook it before leaving, which did not leave much time for dilly dallying.

Finally, inspiration came to me in the form of a maple tree, or technically the sticky substance therein - a maple glazed turkey, with bacon. Sounds delicious, right? I mean combining both turkey and the savory deliciousness bacon, and gravy too? I had been wanting to try this recipe anyway, so I looked at the turkey as an almost blessing - a large, time consuming, potentially germ infested, blessing. However, I have to say that it completely worked out, except for the fact that the turkey cooked faster than expected and I did not quite get to the bacon part of the recipe before the thermometer alarm sounded. (Yes, I have a thermometer with an alarm on it, and I'm not afraid who knows it.) Because of the seemingly premature completion of my fowl creation, I now have a veritable plethora of bacon in my refrigerator, yearning to be rendered and eaten. It's a hard life. The turkey, however, was delicious and juicy even without the bacon. The maple flavoring got into the gravy and the vegetables I had roasted beneath the turkey. So every bite had this subtle, beautiful, warm accent of maple syrup. I could have eaten all night.

Our meal on Thanksgiving was also quite good, mostly because it involved eating copious amounts of food all day, including one (oh, I made more than one) of my pumpkin pies with homemade whipped cream and yet another turkey (this time prepared by someone else) with all the fixin's. Sure, I might have put on five pounds in a day, but gosh darn it, it tasted so good. Besides, I needed all that food to build up my energy for Sunday, where we ate another turkey (this one having been brined for the twenty-four hours prior), another pumpkin pie with homemade whipped cream (this one was probably better than the first), fresh cranberry citrus compote, apple sausage stuffing with some other various items thrown in, acorn squash cooked with a butter, honey, and mustard concoction, and my girlfriend's chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese filling. All the guests got parting gifts of the leftover food, in an effort to somewhat preserve what little waistline I had left.

Overall, I am happy to report that the crisis was handled with great style and the we emerged victorious, if all a bit heavier.

The Vanishing J

These past couple of weeks, I had such good intentions to write more. I even sometimes had random topics on which to write, but then a cataclysm of software incompatibility hit and I was stuck with my face plastered to a computer screen, trying to set right what this incredibly overpriced software package made wrong on an estate tax return. See that, your eyes just glazed over, didn't they. I said "tax" and you zoned out. Your brain said, "Oh no, tax. I don't understand numbers," giggling like a girl and it was over. It's ok, tax can be a little mind numbing, but nowhere near as mind numbing as fixing and reworking over 500 assets on schedules for an IRS Form. I assure you that's much, much, much more tedious.

When I wasn't doing that, I was arguing with the software company and explaining to them why their program not only sucked in the way they already knew about ("it's a known issue") but failed to ever tell us about, but also in a number of other ways that they had never been made aware of in such exacting detail, with circles, arrows and everything. However, at the end of the day, none of it really mattered because no amount of explaining was going to fix it for this Return and I was still going to have to go through, asset by asset and fix it.

The other problem I often seem to have with writing is that I usually do not feel justified in posting unless I have read all the unread posts in my RSS feed, which is probably a completely failed system, as I sooner or later catch up on them all and then I am too tired to write anything myself or I have to get back to work, or do something outside the box. (That was a pun for those of you playing along at home.)

The weekend was a much welcomed respite. I even got to see Beowulf. Although, I was not terribly impressed with it. I also further planned our Thanksgiving feast. We actually are going to have two. For the first, we will be going out of town and spending it with friends. The second will be on Sunday and I'm cooking that one. I think I have decided on my turkey recipe and I have more or less finalized my stuffing recipe in my head. I love the cranberry sauce I made last time, so I think I will stick with it and I believe there will be acorn squash and pumpkin pie. However, the rest remains hazy. And for only a few people, I feel like much of it will be overkill. So perhaps I will just stop there. Besides, the only dish most people really seem to be requesting is my stuffing. The problem with my stuffing is that I change the recipe every time I make it, as I never remember how I made it the year before. So, all I can hope for is that it turns out as good as everyone remembers.

I hope to add more fiction here and maybe a few more random tales regarding relationships of others, as mine is too good and stable to be exciting, soon. Until then, I hope you all have a fun and delicious Turkey Day.

Are You My Plan Administrator?

In an effort to entertain and educate, I thought I would begin sharing some of my legal war stories* as they happen. This way you can learn from other folks' mistakes and maybe end up better off, in the end.

Most recently, I have been handling the probating of two estates. That statement is slightly inaccurate, however. For one estate (the wife's), I have only begun the process to determine whether probate will even be necessary. Despite what you may have heard, not all assets in an estate are subject to probate. However, it can often be difficult to figure which assets are and which are not. For example, the wife had an IRA and a 401(k), among her other assets. The IRA is not subject to probate, as she named her husband as a beneficiary. However, the 401(k) might be.

The 401(k) was administered by her employer. The company she worked for recently went out of business, and so I can no longer locate the plan administrator or any beneficiary designation forms. As such, I was forced to contact the U.S. Department of Labor and report the case. The agency will attempt to investigate and find my plan administrator, but they warn that it could take several months to do so, if they are able to find him at all. I also had to write a letter to the company managing the money and ask them what would be needed in the event we cannot find the beneficiary designation form. Hopefully, they will actually get back to me. The likelihood is that if a beneficiary designation form cannot be located, the proceeds from the 401(k) will be payable to the decedent's estate, and I will have to begin probate proceedings for her estate, at that point. Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing, and it is going to have the effect of delaying the full administration of both estates for several months.

This all could have been avoided if these people had kept all of their important documents together. Instead, they seemed to keep quite a bit of everything. The heirs are having trouble digging through the mounds of extraneous documents in the home and it is nearly impossible for them to discern what is important and what is just something that should have been thrown away years ago. As it is, the heirs barely found the Wills at all. If, however, these two had kept all their important documents together in one safe place, this could have all been averted. Important documents include: Wills, Trusts, Durable Powers of Attorney, Living Wills, Health-Care Surrogate Designations, insurance documents, beneficiary designation forms, current addresses and phone numbers for all of your beneficiaries. If you thought enough of them to put them in your Will, maybe you should also keep a phone number for them in a conspicuous place. Bank account information, and anything else you think would help someone reconstruct your asset and creditor picture are ideal things to put with these other documents, as well.

*Note that this will now be a category.