I drafted this post several days ago, and couldn't decide whether or not to post it. However, then I read one of Amber's previous posts and read through the comments section and decided, maybe I should.
As some of you might have guessed, I not only devote considerable time to the study of law and religion, but have also often happened into the psychology section of the bookstore as well. It was on one of these journeys that I encountered a very interesting little book called, Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates; The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic in Couples by Stephen J. Betchen. It describes a dynamic between partners called "p-d", P standing for Pursuer and D for Distancer. It was actually quite an interesting read. I learned, amongst other things, that the distancer in relationships used to always be the man. However, with time and changes in gender roles, this has now changed.
Apparently, this dynamic is *very* prevalent in many relationships, but little research has been done on it. This book was an attempt to gather all of the relevant information for the practitioner, in an effort to aide him or her in treating their patients that are affected by this dynamic. Overall, the book is of little use to a person affected by these symptoms, as it is geared to practitioners and not patients. However, it probably could help one identify the existence of this dynamic in, and its impact upon, one's relationships. It also suggests possible causes for said dynamic, and lists suggested reading for patients affected by this dynamic.
The prevalence of this dynamic's occurrence, however, does not make it healthy. As the book points out, the people involved in these relationships often use them to avoid experiencing more healthy, deep, and meaningful relationships. Ahhh, avoidance - denial's partner in crime. However, it might make you feel less weird for being the way that you are, assuming you are this way. (As a caveat, I'd also recommend Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, MD for anyone that might want to make meaningful changes to their behaviors and how they handle situations, including relationships.)
As some of you might have guessed, I not only devote considerable time to the study of law and religion, but have also often happened into the psychology section of the bookstore as well. It was on one of these journeys that I encountered a very interesting little book called, Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates; The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic in Couples by Stephen J. Betchen. It describes a dynamic between partners called "p-d", P standing for Pursuer and D for Distancer. It was actually quite an interesting read. I learned, amongst other things, that the distancer in relationships used to always be the man. However, with time and changes in gender roles, this has now changed.
Apparently, this dynamic is *very* prevalent in many relationships, but little research has been done on it. This book was an attempt to gather all of the relevant information for the practitioner, in an effort to aide him or her in treating their patients that are affected by this dynamic. Overall, the book is of little use to a person affected by these symptoms, as it is geared to practitioners and not patients. However, it probably could help one identify the existence of this dynamic in, and its impact upon, one's relationships. It also suggests possible causes for said dynamic, and lists suggested reading for patients affected by this dynamic.
The prevalence of this dynamic's occurrence, however, does not make it healthy. As the book points out, the people involved in these relationships often use them to avoid experiencing more healthy, deep, and meaningful relationships. Ahhh, avoidance - denial's partner in crime. However, it might make you feel less weird for being the way that you are, assuming you are this way. (As a caveat, I'd also recommend Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, MD for anyone that might want to make meaningful changes to their behaviors and how they handle situations, including relationships.)
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