"I don't understand why you're uncomfortable around her."
I couldn't believe she didn't understand. She had taken an entire day explaining to me why she didn't approve of this woman's marriage and how she wanted to break her up with her husband because they just were not right for each other, and now she couldn't understand why I felt awkward and weird around these people. Every time I was with them, all I could think about was all of the horrible things she had told me about their relationship, and it's not like they knew she felt this way. As far as they were concerned, everyone was happy and having a great time so why the hell was I acting weird.
If I think something about someone, chances are I'm going to tell them. It has something to do with my inability to be fake with people. Fake bothers me. I know some people that do this often, though. People whose actions do not correspond to their feelings.
"Oh, yeah I think she's weird. She reminds me of a completely socially inept person that doesn't get away from their computer." However, when she speaks to this "inept" person, it's all smiles and friendly "hellos". This gives me doubt. What the hell does this person say about me when I'm not around? And what the hell is the point of going out of your way to socialize with people you don't actually like?
Growing up, I had a lot of things I had to keep to myself. Secrets were the rule of order in my family. Lots and lots of them. As a result, I now keep very few secrets. It's not that I cannot keep them. It's actually pretty easy for me to keep them, as I was trained for years to do so. If someone tells me something and asks me not to tell anyone, which seems to happen an awful lot, I won't say anything. However, when it comes to my own secrets, I'm far more willing to give those away, as keeping them triggers an emotion that reminds me of a past that I would rather forget. (I also am really not ashamed to express how I feel about things.)
It's more than that when it comes to my friends. If I think something about one of them, I'm going to tell them to their face, and not behind their back because I would rather they heard what I had to say from me directly, and not through some third party or a blog. Sure this may lead to a fight or an argument, and many times, I've had to bite my tongue and really evaluate whether it was my place to say anything at all, and if so, how I was going to say it. However, more often than not, if I find myself needing to talk about it with others, chances are it's important enough for me to bring up to the friend. Not because I need them to agree with me, but just so that they know where I stand. It is, as so many things are, a delicate balance.
I couldn't believe she didn't understand. She had taken an entire day explaining to me why she didn't approve of this woman's marriage and how she wanted to break her up with her husband because they just were not right for each other, and now she couldn't understand why I felt awkward and weird around these people. Every time I was with them, all I could think about was all of the horrible things she had told me about their relationship, and it's not like they knew she felt this way. As far as they were concerned, everyone was happy and having a great time so why the hell was I acting weird.
If I think something about someone, chances are I'm going to tell them. It has something to do with my inability to be fake with people. Fake bothers me. I know some people that do this often, though. People whose actions do not correspond to their feelings.
"Oh, yeah I think she's weird. She reminds me of a completely socially inept person that doesn't get away from their computer." However, when she speaks to this "inept" person, it's all smiles and friendly "hellos". This gives me doubt. What the hell does this person say about me when I'm not around? And what the hell is the point of going out of your way to socialize with people you don't actually like?
Growing up, I had a lot of things I had to keep to myself. Secrets were the rule of order in my family. Lots and lots of them. As a result, I now keep very few secrets. It's not that I cannot keep them. It's actually pretty easy for me to keep them, as I was trained for years to do so. If someone tells me something and asks me not to tell anyone, which seems to happen an awful lot, I won't say anything. However, when it comes to my own secrets, I'm far more willing to give those away, as keeping them triggers an emotion that reminds me of a past that I would rather forget. (I also am really not ashamed to express how I feel about things.)
It's more than that when it comes to my friends. If I think something about one of them, I'm going to tell them to their face, and not behind their back because I would rather they heard what I had to say from me directly, and not through some third party or a blog. Sure this may lead to a fight or an argument, and many times, I've had to bite my tongue and really evaluate whether it was my place to say anything at all, and if so, how I was going to say it. However, more often than not, if I find myself needing to talk about it with others, chances are it's important enough for me to bring up to the friend. Not because I need them to agree with me, but just so that they know where I stand. It is, as so many things are, a delicate balance.
I know what that's like... Only well, kinda opposite. I told my girl friend all these horrible things about this couple, as they are really fake etc, and then she meets them and does not feel weird when she sees them being fake, in fact she makes friends with them!!
ReplyDeleteI thought that was weird... So I totally understand where you're coming from.
Ultimately we all judge people when we meet them, and having pre info to use against them is not cool...
Like you I agree with telling my friends things to their faces, though there have been situations when I couldn't do it, so I sent them a text saying to read my blog!!
Why is potentially hurting somebody's feelings a bad thing? Not knowing what my friends think of my decisions is probably worse. Why throw away the chance for somebody who cares about you giving you some constructive criticism? Sometimes I think we have become a nation of overly sensitive people.
ReplyDelete