"You don't really want to be here with me."
I was annoyed, not just because she was right, but more so because, was I that transparent? How could she tell? And who cared, wasn't I there enough? I had done all the right things, I had made all the right motions. I was a perfect date, thoughtful, considerate, and attentive, but it wasn't enough in her estimation because she wasn't setting me afire.
I once got to meet "the other man".
TOM: "I don't like you very much."
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that."
TOM: "I see her face after she speaks to you and I know that you make her happier than I ever will be able to."
Me: "So why are you bothering?"
TOM: "Because I love her."
Me: "Sounds like a rather selfish love."
I didn't really blame her for wanting to date other people. We were long distance and neither one of us was really a big fan of that concept. However, I truly had higher expectations of her ability to select alternate men to date. She ended up having some rather curious selections - a stalker, a guy that raped his previous girlfriend, and this one. He didn't really appreciate the concept that she and I were intending to remain friends and speak every day either.
I must have looked at TOM with the same eyes she now looked at me with. "Why are you bothering with this charade?" She, however, had some more heated questions to add. "You expect me to be happy with the knowledge that I'm not the one for you? How is this supposed to fuel our relationship?"
For some, accepting that they are second best is sufficient. They can put on that brave face and lose gracefully, accepting second place in the contest of life and accepting the fact that they just didn't quite measure up; that while they will still be treated with all of the affection and romance that they would expect, their lover's heart will never quite be in it. However, others find this truth too painful to bear witness to, and find it even harder to have it flaunted in their face on a constant basis. TOM found it upsetting enough to subsequently lie to the woman of his dreams and push her away from me, and the woman accompanying me decided it was best to quit while she was ahead.
I was annoyed, not just because she was right, but more so because, was I that transparent? How could she tell? And who cared, wasn't I there enough? I had done all the right things, I had made all the right motions. I was a perfect date, thoughtful, considerate, and attentive, but it wasn't enough in her estimation because she wasn't setting me afire.
I once got to meet "the other man".
TOM: "I don't like you very much."
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that."
TOM: "I see her face after she speaks to you and I know that you make her happier than I ever will be able to."
Me: "So why are you bothering?"
TOM: "Because I love her."
Me: "Sounds like a rather selfish love."
I didn't really blame her for wanting to date other people. We were long distance and neither one of us was really a big fan of that concept. However, I truly had higher expectations of her ability to select alternate men to date. She ended up having some rather curious selections - a stalker, a guy that raped his previous girlfriend, and this one. He didn't really appreciate the concept that she and I were intending to remain friends and speak every day either.
I must have looked at TOM with the same eyes she now looked at me with. "Why are you bothering with this charade?" She, however, had some more heated questions to add. "You expect me to be happy with the knowledge that I'm not the one for you? How is this supposed to fuel our relationship?"
For some, accepting that they are second best is sufficient. They can put on that brave face and lose gracefully, accepting second place in the contest of life and accepting the fact that they just didn't quite measure up; that while they will still be treated with all of the affection and romance that they would expect, their lover's heart will never quite be in it. However, others find this truth too painful to bear witness to, and find it even harder to have it flaunted in their face on a constant basis. TOM found it upsetting enough to subsequently lie to the woman of his dreams and push her away from me, and the woman accompanying me decided it was best to quit while she was ahead.
Cutting's one losses need not be such a bad thing, at least I do not think so: life is too short. So, as answer to "how is this suppose to fuel our relationship?", the answer seems rather simple: "it isn't, darling. That's the beauty of it."
ReplyDeleteWow. I guess I don't really know what to say. Sorry to waste up space in your comment box. Just wanted you to know I was still around. ;)
ReplyDeleteAri ~ You crack me up. I laughed about that comment for a while.
ReplyDeleteSpecial K ~ So good to hear from you!
You have to admit long-distance dating was a lot harder before planes, trains, and automobiles were invented, J.
ReplyDelete