"You can't be friends with someone you ever truly loved."
"Really? Many of my friends will be very sad to hear that."
I am friends with several women that I have loved or dated in the past. Most people I know marvel at this and cannot understand how it can ever be achieved. I understand their astonishment, as I am one of the few people I know with genuine friends that are of the opposite sex, let alone former girlfriends. However, the transition has rarely been smooth or easy. As a general rule, it involves space and time for both people to become whole again, gain their own footing, feel secure in who they are and what they are doing, grow as people, and a willingness and ability to cast off any idea of a future romantic relationship with the other person. Often the friendship ends up being like a Will & Grace relationship in my life, but I cherish it so much as the person knows me in a way no one else can, to an extent.
Every time I have ever walked away from something like that I have always feared never getting it back. In all cases, it never has returned. It either came back as something better and more stable or it just never came back at all. However, in retrospect, it was the only healthy choice to make. I know men that cling to women as friends for years in anticipation of a relationship, and the women that let them. It's a completely unfair role to cast yourself in, but everyone needs to decide what they can handle and do exactly what they feel like doing. This, of course, will lead to immediate and direct consequences - good or bad - but it is all we can do.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly." - Richard Bach
"Really? Many of my friends will be very sad to hear that."
I am friends with several women that I have loved or dated in the past. Most people I know marvel at this and cannot understand how it can ever be achieved. I understand their astonishment, as I am one of the few people I know with genuine friends that are of the opposite sex, let alone former girlfriends. However, the transition has rarely been smooth or easy. As a general rule, it involves space and time for both people to become whole again, gain their own footing, feel secure in who they are and what they are doing, grow as people, and a willingness and ability to cast off any idea of a future romantic relationship with the other person. Often the friendship ends up being like a Will & Grace relationship in my life, but I cherish it so much as the person knows me in a way no one else can, to an extent.
Every time I have ever walked away from something like that I have always feared never getting it back. In all cases, it never has returned. It either came back as something better and more stable or it just never came back at all. However, in retrospect, it was the only healthy choice to make. I know men that cling to women as friends for years in anticipation of a relationship, and the women that let them. It's a completely unfair role to cast yourself in, but everyone needs to decide what they can handle and do exactly what they feel like doing. This, of course, will lead to immediate and direct consequences - good or bad - but it is all we can do.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly." - Richard Bach
I'm friends with all the guys I've ever dated. You are right, it does involve space after the relationship is over and then you can rebuild the friendship.
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