"It's never going to work."
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't have fake friends. You've never had fake friends. You're close to your friends, and you'll just wind up getting hurt if you try being friends with her. She didn't make time for you before, why would she make time for you now?"
"Humph."
"Don't get mad because you know I'm right. Now when are you coming to visit?"
That's how my conversations with my friends go, as I afford them carte blanche to say anything and everything about my life and my personal decisions. I do not always agree with what they have to say, but I always give them liberal space to run amok, as I respect their opinions. It is not always a two-way street, however. I, at times, will encounter enormous resistance to my equally straight forward advice, but sometimes that is part of friendship. Acknowledging the strengths and short comings of the person you are friends with and being willing and able to accept them.
The sheer geography that my friends cover is rather impressive. People mention a state, or sometimes a country, and I seem to know someone there or have a friend there. However, when I am forced to look closer to home, I lack those friends. My close circle of friends has migrated to bigger and better places, for bigger and better things. Some have remianed. They are around, but busy and otherwise occupied with marital strife, enormously demanding jobs, and complex relationships. It's the one thing I find lacking in the place I live, and the thing that I feel more pronounced when I am bored, with nothing to do. It's at those times that I truly consider moving somewhere that I already have friends. However, I always remember that I had no friends in Florida when I moved here, and after a few years I had more than I knew what to do with.
Maybe that is part of the problem in always demanding close and lasting friendships - you don't make as many superficial ones that you can leave mangled at the side of the road. You expect more and you'd rather have none than the ready-made type that comes out of a box and never looks as good as it did on the cover. However, the ones you do make, often end up lasting much longer.
It all started in law school:
"I've been thinking. We're really cool people."
"Ok."
"Well we do not have a lot of free time. We are very busy, and there are lots of people that would like to hang out with us. However, we should be more particular about who we hang out with. As really cool people, with limited time, we should only hang out with other cool people. We need to make a list." She wasn't kidding.
"Will I be on your list?"
"Not if you keep asking questions like that."
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't have fake friends. You've never had fake friends. You're close to your friends, and you'll just wind up getting hurt if you try being friends with her. She didn't make time for you before, why would she make time for you now?"
"Humph."
"Don't get mad because you know I'm right. Now when are you coming to visit?"
That's how my conversations with my friends go, as I afford them carte blanche to say anything and everything about my life and my personal decisions. I do not always agree with what they have to say, but I always give them liberal space to run amok, as I respect their opinions. It is not always a two-way street, however. I, at times, will encounter enormous resistance to my equally straight forward advice, but sometimes that is part of friendship. Acknowledging the strengths and short comings of the person you are friends with and being willing and able to accept them.
The sheer geography that my friends cover is rather impressive. People mention a state, or sometimes a country, and I seem to know someone there or have a friend there. However, when I am forced to look closer to home, I lack those friends. My close circle of friends has migrated to bigger and better places, for bigger and better things. Some have remianed. They are around, but busy and otherwise occupied with marital strife, enormously demanding jobs, and complex relationships. It's the one thing I find lacking in the place I live, and the thing that I feel more pronounced when I am bored, with nothing to do. It's at those times that I truly consider moving somewhere that I already have friends. However, I always remember that I had no friends in Florida when I moved here, and after a few years I had more than I knew what to do with.
Maybe that is part of the problem in always demanding close and lasting friendships - you don't make as many superficial ones that you can leave mangled at the side of the road. You expect more and you'd rather have none than the ready-made type that comes out of a box and never looks as good as it did on the cover. However, the ones you do make, often end up lasting much longer.
It all started in law school:
"I've been thinking. We're really cool people."
"Ok."
"Well we do not have a lot of free time. We are very busy, and there are lots of people that would like to hang out with us. However, we should be more particular about who we hang out with. As really cool people, with limited time, we should only hang out with other cool people. We need to make a list." She wasn't kidding.
"Will I be on your list?"
"Not if you keep asking questions like that."
I hear that there's some really cool people living in Wisconsin. Perhaps??? :)
ReplyDeleteSo I have read all the way down to here. And in my effort to not just be a "silent lurker" on your blog (see, I just read that entry as well), I will now make a comment. I hear your pain about demanding the close and lasting friendships and the lack of those you can leave "mangled at the side of the road." I, too, have had that "really cool people conversation" (though now it sounds pretty vain...?) Really interesting stuff. Keep writing. I promise not to lurk silently.
ReplyDelete