Really?

I had to read her words at least two times for them to really gain any recognition in my head. She was not telling me that my friend was sick or that he needed an operation or that he had been severely injured. No, her words were quite clear, explaining to me that my friend, her lover, had "passed away in a very serious and tragic accident". But she had to be kidding. None of my friends have just up and died, at least none my own age. Sure, there were a couple of people in high school, but I knew them mostly in passing. This was not just someone I knew tangentially. This was someone I kept up with on a fairly regular basis, and she was telling me that I would not be doing that anymore.

It was too much to take in on a Tuesday morning. Who the hell goes on vacation to the Grand Canyon and dies? I guess, my friend does (did). My brain is still getting used to the fact that my friend and I will never communicate again. It does not quite seem real that he and I will not just strike up casual conversations. That he won't be there to tell me about his misadventures and tell me about his great accomplishments. He made mead in his spare time. I know that may sound dumb, but he was really good at it. He won gold medals in national competitions. He really loved it. I love it when people love what they do. I think that is such a great thing.

He had lost so much weight in the last few years, almost a whole person. He was so proud of himself. I was really proud of him. He had found a woman that he loved and who loved him back. Things were going pretty well for the guy, and then that was it. The "Game Over" logo had flashed across the screen and he had no more quarters left in his pocket to continue.

Whenever I really think about it, which I try very hard not to do, I start thinking of how suddenly life can slip just beyond our grasp. Like a small wisp to which we struggle in vain to cling. I think, here was a man working so hard and getting his life together and doing such great stuff and now it is over. He was not at the end of his days. There was no indication that he was going to just stop breathing on the first Thursday of the month. It was so sudden, and it makes me sad to think of how hard he worked and how he likely planned in his mind for his future and now it is all over. I still cannot quite get my head around it.