I used to think she didn't care or that she was incapable of considering the thoughts, needs, wants, or desires of others when it came to shopping. I still remember one of the first gifts she got me. You could tell she loved it. It was quite possibly one of the best gifts anyone could have ever gotten her. I, unfortunately, did not share her taste with respect to that particular item and ended up giving it to her.
It was often upsetting to her that she never knew what to get me. I always seemed to have all of these wonderful little thoughtful gift ideas for her, but then she would bring her mind to bear on what to get me, it would come up blank. I often interpreted this as meaning that she really just didn't care or didn't know me. It seemed all of the ideas that she came up with often fell short of what I would want and were more in-line with her preferences. It would make her so frustrated, and I would be so frustrated because she was so upset.
All I really wanted, usually, was a gift card and a day of fun with her, but this didn't make sense to her. Where were the objects displaying our love? Where was the commericalism? How could we really love each other unless we bought lots of things for each other? Time wasn't really anything important?
Yet, it seemed she often seemed so much more considerate to others with whom she wasn't as close. Why did they generate more consideration and thoughtfulness from her than me? Wasn't I supposed to be just as, if not more, important than them. It just didn't make any sense. She just must not care for me.
Then today, I read about a study just released from The University of Chicago. It turns out that people are often worse at buying presents for their loved ones than complete strangers because they often feel that the other person's tastes must be similar to their own. "Not only do we feel overconfident that we’ll pick something they like, but our tendency to assume that we are extremely similar to the ones we love also motivates us to ignore cues that don’t support preconceived notions." Perhaps this year, more people would be better off pretending like they were still getting to know their loved ones when they go to pick that perfect gift, rather than believing that they already know them all too well. Or maybe everyone should just pick out their own gifts.
It was often upsetting to her that she never knew what to get me. I always seemed to have all of these wonderful little thoughtful gift ideas for her, but then she would bring her mind to bear on what to get me, it would come up blank. I often interpreted this as meaning that she really just didn't care or didn't know me. It seemed all of the ideas that she came up with often fell short of what I would want and were more in-line with her preferences. It would make her so frustrated, and I would be so frustrated because she was so upset.
All I really wanted, usually, was a gift card and a day of fun with her, but this didn't make sense to her. Where were the objects displaying our love? Where was the commericalism? How could we really love each other unless we bought lots of things for each other? Time wasn't really anything important?
Yet, it seemed she often seemed so much more considerate to others with whom she wasn't as close. Why did they generate more consideration and thoughtfulness from her than me? Wasn't I supposed to be just as, if not more, important than them. It just didn't make any sense. She just must not care for me.
Then today, I read about a study just released from The University of Chicago. It turns out that people are often worse at buying presents for their loved ones than complete strangers because they often feel that the other person's tastes must be similar to their own. "Not only do we feel overconfident that we’ll pick something they like, but our tendency to assume that we are extremely similar to the ones we love also motivates us to ignore cues that don’t support preconceived notions." Perhaps this year, more people would be better off pretending like they were still getting to know their loved ones when they go to pick that perfect gift, rather than believing that they already know them all too well. Or maybe everyone should just pick out their own gifts.
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