The Vanishing J

These past couple of weeks, I had such good intentions to write more. I even sometimes had random topics on which to write, but then a cataclysm of software incompatibility hit and I was stuck with my face plastered to a computer screen, trying to set right what this incredibly overpriced software package made wrong on an estate tax return. See that, your eyes just glazed over, didn't they. I said "tax" and you zoned out. Your brain said, "Oh no, tax. I don't understand numbers," giggling like a girl and it was over. It's ok, tax can be a little mind numbing, but nowhere near as mind numbing as fixing and reworking over 500 assets on schedules for an IRS Form. I assure you that's much, much, much more tedious.

When I wasn't doing that, I was arguing with the software company and explaining to them why their program not only sucked in the way they already knew about ("it's a known issue") but failed to ever tell us about, but also in a number of other ways that they had never been made aware of in such exacting detail, with circles, arrows and everything. However, at the end of the day, none of it really mattered because no amount of explaining was going to fix it for this Return and I was still going to have to go through, asset by asset and fix it.

The other problem I often seem to have with writing is that I usually do not feel justified in posting unless I have read all the unread posts in my RSS feed, which is probably a completely failed system, as I sooner or later catch up on them all and then I am too tired to write anything myself or I have to get back to work, or do something outside the box. (That was a pun for those of you playing along at home.)

The weekend was a much welcomed respite. I even got to see Beowulf. Although, I was not terribly impressed with it. I also further planned our Thanksgiving feast. We actually are going to have two. For the first, we will be going out of town and spending it with friends. The second will be on Sunday and I'm cooking that one. I think I have decided on my turkey recipe and I have more or less finalized my stuffing recipe in my head. I love the cranberry sauce I made last time, so I think I will stick with it and I believe there will be acorn squash and pumpkin pie. However, the rest remains hazy. And for only a few people, I feel like much of it will be overkill. So perhaps I will just stop there. Besides, the only dish most people really seem to be requesting is my stuffing. The problem with my stuffing is that I change the recipe every time I make it, as I never remember how I made it the year before. So, all I can hope for is that it turns out as good as everyone remembers.

I hope to add more fiction here and maybe a few more random tales regarding relationships of others, as mine is too good and stable to be exciting, soon. Until then, I hope you all have a fun and delicious Turkey Day.

Are You My Plan Administrator?

In an effort to entertain and educate, I thought I would begin sharing some of my legal war stories* as they happen. This way you can learn from other folks' mistakes and maybe end up better off, in the end.

Most recently, I have been handling the probating of two estates. That statement is slightly inaccurate, however. For one estate (the wife's), I have only begun the process to determine whether probate will even be necessary. Despite what you may have heard, not all assets in an estate are subject to probate. However, it can often be difficult to figure which assets are and which are not. For example, the wife had an IRA and a 401(k), among her other assets. The IRA is not subject to probate, as she named her husband as a beneficiary. However, the 401(k) might be.

The 401(k) was administered by her employer. The company she worked for recently went out of business, and so I can no longer locate the plan administrator or any beneficiary designation forms. As such, I was forced to contact the U.S. Department of Labor and report the case. The agency will attempt to investigate and find my plan administrator, but they warn that it could take several months to do so, if they are able to find him at all. I also had to write a letter to the company managing the money and ask them what would be needed in the event we cannot find the beneficiary designation form. Hopefully, they will actually get back to me. The likelihood is that if a beneficiary designation form cannot be located, the proceeds from the 401(k) will be payable to the decedent's estate, and I will have to begin probate proceedings for her estate, at that point. Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing, and it is going to have the effect of delaying the full administration of both estates for several months.

This all could have been avoided if these people had kept all of their important documents together. Instead, they seemed to keep quite a bit of everything. The heirs are having trouble digging through the mounds of extraneous documents in the home and it is nearly impossible for them to discern what is important and what is just something that should have been thrown away years ago. As it is, the heirs barely found the Wills at all. If, however, these two had kept all their important documents together in one safe place, this could have all been averted. Important documents include: Wills, Trusts, Durable Powers of Attorney, Living Wills, Health-Care Surrogate Designations, insurance documents, beneficiary designation forms, current addresses and phone numbers for all of your beneficiaries. If you thought enough of them to put them in your Will, maybe you should also keep a phone number for them in a conspicuous place. Bank account information, and anything else you think would help someone reconstruct your asset and creditor picture are ideal things to put with these other documents, as well.

*Note that this will now be a category.

An Apple a Day(?)

Not knowing any of my immunization history, and figuring that it would be far worse to acquire lock-jaw over a weekend, I called my doctor and had him give me a tetanus shot.

Seeing as several people have asked, I should probably explain what I learned about tetanus. (I am no doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday-Inn Express once.) According to the nurse I spoke with and some Websites devoted to providing information on tetanus, any type of injury that breaks the skin can lead to a tetanus infection. The tetanus bacteria itself is found in dust, soil, and manure. So dirty implements are more likely to have the bacteria on them. However, the bacteria can also enter the wound after the laceration has been made. The only safe way to avoid getting it is to have a tetanus shot every five to ten years. Quite a gap there, huh? I still do not quite understand that part and everyone seemed to have their own opinion on it. However, absolutely every medical person I spoke with agreed that I needed one. In comparison to the flu shot, I have to say that this one had much more lingering pain, but I am not sure if that is attributable to the medicine itself or if maybe the nurse somehow hit a muscle. However, they were all really nice about it.

In other news, Apple has annoyed me quite a bit. I have been using an iPod for a little over two years without incident. However, ever since they released their recent patches, to make sure all those unlocked iPhones would no longer work, I have found it completely impossible to get iTunes to recognize my iPod, or if it does, iTunes will generally then crash. It got to the point that I just didn't think I could even use my iPod anymore. So I wrote Steve Jobs and one of Apple's tech people emailed me back, requesting some follow-up information. This was great. I was so impressed. I was even more impressed when a tech tracked down my number through their internal system, and called me. Unfortunately, they called me while I was at work and my computer and iPod reside at home. So, they had to schedule a service call for the weekend.

The weekend came and went and Apple never called me. So, I emailed them and they apologized and promised to resolve the issue. A new tech guy called me a few hours later and scheduled a callback for the next weekend (last weekend). Well, once again, I never got a phone call, until hours later, when I was no longer anywhere near my home. We are now on week three, but they swear they are going to call me this time. I still at least give them props for contacting me. I doubt I could have ever gotten a response this easily out of Microsoft. Plus, they did not invent Vista - an operating system that seems doomed to fail and go the way of Windows Me.

A Slice of Life

It's good to have goals. My goal this season was to cook more with squash. No, not the yellow and zucchini squashes you so often see. I am talking about spaghetti, butternut, and acorn squash. Mmmm. The types of squash I have always been intrigued and fascinated by but never attempted to do anything with because they are foreign and unknown. It's fairly easy for me to figure out what to with everyday squash, but these are different and weird.

So, I started small. Spaghetti squash with herbs and butter. Delicious. Easy. Next on the menu was pasta with butternut squash and eggplant in a yummy sauce. The trick was that the recipe called for the squash to be peeled. Getting home, I stared at the oddly shaped squash, considering how I was exactly supposed to peel it. It did not appear to be the typical vegetable one can peel with a peeler. I probably needed a knife. Reducing it to a manageable size, I began trying to cut away the flesh from the peel. Suddenly, the knife slipped from the squash, sailed through the air and sliced straight through my skin, plunging deeply into my thumb. Oh, and did the blood flow.

Did I need stitches? I was not really sure. Clearly, I needed to get the bleeding to stop, but was it bad enough for an ER visit and lots of money in the form of a co-pay? Finishing dinner, I elevated my hand and let the cloth towl adhere to the wound, eventually replacing it with a bandage that would similarly adhere, but look less obtrusive.

Yesterday, I kept wondering if I needed stitches, looking at pictures online and comparing them to my own gaping wound, it still seemed unclear. It sure looked like that one there that needed them, but it also looked a lot like this other one that didn't. I called a nurse through my insurance company. "When was the last time you had a tetanus shot?"

"That is truly excellent question. Unfortunately, my last doctor lost every medical record I had and I have been spending the last month trying to track down pediatricians and other previous doctors, piecing together my past." Some fear a large company like Google or Microsoft being in-charge of maintaining our medical records, but to be honest, I'd feel more comfortable having them all in one place, in a hopefully safe and secure format. Not out of any concern that others might hack in and steal them. I assume they could do that at my doctor's office now. But more out of a concern that they too would one day just lose all my records and ask me if I was sure I was ever really a patient. I cannot imagine how wonderful it will be to be able to call one place and obtain all of my medical records from one source. No multiple offices to call, and multiple release forms to fill out. Sure, it sounds stupid and silly, but when you suddenly really need to have this information and cannot locate it, it becomes really, really important.

On the bright side, the squash dish turned out to be delicious, and the wound appears to be healing. However, I still do not know if I need a shot or if I will develop lockjaw or something equally as bad in the coming days. Of course, if I do, it will give me another exciting event to post about.

Paranoia

It seems that every few weeks, something dramatic happens at my office - an attorney gets disbarred, someone gets fired, a death or illness strikes someone related to the people in our office, etc., and last week was no exception to the rule.

Two weeks ago, another small firm moved into some of our then vacant office space, which formerly housed the offices of an attorney that soon found the need to expeditiously retire from the practice of law. It seems like a great arrangement had emerged, a new happy office coming to join our office of misfits. Of course, that was week one, or as I like to think of it, the calm before the paranoid and psychotic yelling that ended, as all good dramas do, with police involvement. As with all incidents at my office involving the police, and I believe there have been at least two in the last year I have not been there; I am always away when all the cool and exciting stuff goes down.

Returning from lunch, I saw a police car parked downstairs. Briefly, I considered that perhaps they were here for our office but then quickly dismissed this notion, assuming that they must have other important business to attend to within the hallowed walls of our building. It was not until I set foot in the office that I learned that not only had someone been fired, but that the police had to be called on the terminated employee. It took until the following day for me to get all the relevant details, not from a lack of trying to bury my head in the stand and remain aloof and uninvolved. Sometimes, people just *need* to share and I seem to be close at hand.

Apparently, one of the legal secretaries for the law firm that just moved in to our office became convinced that a member of her staff, one of the attorneys or another secretary, was stealing her passwords and messing around with her bank accounts and email. This led to outbursts of racial slurs against not only another legal secretary who is dating a black man, but also against one of Florida's finest. Needless to say, the law firm had no trouble convincing the police that the woman had quite possibly come unhinged and they were more than willing to assist in any way they could. Unfortunately, there really was not too much they could do and the people in the office had to leave the building later with caution, as the one taking a ride over the cuckoo's nest was taking a detour, circling our parking lot.

One may think the story stops there, but one would be wrong, as now there seems to be people thinking that perhaps the woman that only days before was considered delusional and potentially dangerous was on the right track and that this new firm is not all nice and friendly but sneaky, dirty, and underhanded, or maybe there is just one bad apple in the bunch. I have no idea if they are right, but if they are, I am sure it will lead to another exciting installment down the road.

Look, I Wrote Something

So, for all of you out there that think I do not write enough, I share with you my very recent letter to the editor of the New York Times. I very rarely write any letters to the editor, but the article annoyed me a lot.

You ran an article called "A Need for a Will? Often, There's an Online Way" and I had a few comments about it.

The article seemed to suggest that many people can save money by having their estate planning documents prepared online. I am an estate planning and probate attorney in Florida, and I have had the chance to see the finished products of some of these online companies, and I have to say that all the documents I have seen from these online estate planning companies are terrible and miss many significant issues.

In Florida, if you die and your Will does not have a notarized affidavit attached to it, the family has to go find one of the witnesses to the Will, get them to the county in Florida where the decedent died, and pay an officer of the court to administer an oath. Finding those witnesses and getting them to the courthouse can often prove quite daunting. For example, if the Will was executed in New York, but the decedent lived in Florida at the time of their death, your heirs will likely have to fly the person down. Worse, the witnesses may not be able to be located or they may be deceased.

The forms almost never cover Florida homestead issues. If a deceased person owned their Florida residence individually and is survived by a spouse and minor children, the home will vest a life estate in the surviving spouse and a remainder interest in all of the decedent's children, irrespective of what the Will says. Many people have no idea this happens, and their heirs are caught completely unaware. Now, what happens if the surviving spouse needs to sell the home? Who can sign on behalf of the minor child? Your heirs will probably need to hire a guardianship attorney. What if some of your children do not want to let the spouse sell the home? There could be litigation.

Not having planning forms is almost as bad, however, as many people believe that their money will just go to their spouse at their death. This too is a false assumption. Under Florida intestacy law, if you die without a Will, one half of your assets pass to your spouse (irrespective of whether you are separated) and the remainder passes to your children. If any of your children happen to be under the age of eighteen when they receive an inheritance, a guardianship estate will likely need to be established and administered, producing additional attorneys' fees.

The article also neglects to mention that if an estate planning document drafted by an attorney fails to produce the desired results, and costs the decedent additional money, the attorney's malpractice carrier should cover the difference. As an illustration, your article mentions a man who lost 80% of his estate to the IRS because he improperly drafted his own document. If that document had been drafted by an attorney and it had not produced the outcome intended, it is quite likely that the attorney would have been responsible for the additional taxes and the heirs would have received all of their money.

No one wants to spend money. However, in this case, you get what you pay for. Unfortunately, it will not be you that has to live with the consequences of going the cheaper route but your heirs, the people for whom you originally attempted to protect. Additionally, if one shops around, one can often find reasonably priced attorneys who can prepare simple documents for somewhere in the neighborhood of $500. Yes, it costs more, but it may save you and your family substantially more in the end, and give everyone added piece of mind.

Lack of Tension

I suppose I really do need to blog more. I have not been very good at sticking to it. Every week, I think I will be better at it and every week, I don't seem to be. I guess I often feel that I do not have anything interesting or exciting to say. Back when I used to blog more, I had a lot of exciting things happening, with terrible dating stories and reflections on relationships, dating, and women. I know there were some other things thrown in there, but I think that was a lot of the subject matter. After a while, I sort of ran out of things to say and I started dating someone and we didn't breakup. Suddenly, my life, while becoming more full, seemed a lot more boring. I guess that is probably a good sign - not having colorful fights every week and having large issues going on all the time probably is an indication of something fairly healthy. However, I also feel less exciting. Suddenly, Kevin Smith's blog title, My Boring Ass Life, makes a whole lot more sense to me.

So many of the sitcoms and movies you see are about the boy getting the girl, but not many of them actually involve what happens once that quest is achieved. Even if the hero does somehow manage to catch the object of his affection, it is likely not going to last very long. Something bad is bound to happen, and there will be tension and drama once again. One would assume that the reason for this is that actual normal relationships are probably just plain boring to anyone watching. To the people in them, there are the twists and turns, but the nuance is probably only barely grasped by the casual observer.

One of my best friends recently sent me a cookbook. She said that she had thought of getting me this book months ago, back when my blog seemed to be more about food. I thought the gift was so sweet of her, as I really do enjoy cooking. However, I felt a little sad because I still do cook, I just neglect to ever share that part of my life on here any more. It just no longer occurs to me that I still do some of those things that I used to think blog worthy. For example, my girlfriend and I recently bought a slow cooker. I was reading a blog or something and one guy mentioned that he cooks some big stew or something every weekend in a slow cooker and he and his girlfriend slowly consume it here and there during the week, letting them eat more home cooked meals, but not spending a ton of time doing so. I thought this was a great idea. So, we got one.

This weekend, I made chicken chili which tastes absolutely amazing. I am extremely picky when it comes to chili, especially chicken chili, but I absolutely love this one. I also love that as the slow cooker cooks for eight hours, the smells that fill my apartment are completely stellar. Granted, I still cook other things and I really enjoy it. But this just adds a new dimension to everything. I can have one thing cooking and still be making other things during the day. This week, I plan to make a spaghetti squash and herb dish, with this rather large squash we bought at out neighborhood farmers' market.

On Saturday, we woke up at the crack of dawn to go participate in a 5K to support a group that helps people out of domestic violence situations. It was really surprising to see so many people up that early on a Saturday. A good number of them even appeared to be high school kids just out there to support the the cause. I thought that was really cool. The run took place right next to the ocean, and we tried to watch the sunrise, but it was overcast. Still, it was a great experience, even if I did have to wake up at 4 or 5 to do it.

On Sunday, we went to church, had lunch with my best friend (I have a few), went to the gym, and ate chicken chili. Yum. I also succeeded in getting my haircut. Small goals. Next weekend, we are going to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal in Orlando. I love how much cheaper it is to go there as a Florida resident. We have a hotel and everything, and we will also get to see some of my friends while we are up there.

In That Kiss

I have heard countless women say that they can tell if a man is good in bed by the way he kisses or the way he moves his hips on the dance floor. Although, I now have at least one friend that can personally attest to the fact that a man's prowess with his lips bears no relation to his abilities in bed, and that apparently, hips do lie. Most recently, a girlfriend told me that it all depended on how a man hugs. I am not even sure I follow the logic there, but it is likely just as good of a system as any of the former ones discussed. A good way, perhaps, of separating the wheat from the chaff when you are out on the prowl - looking for love in all the wrong places.

I have never much bought into any of these theories about how you can tell if someone is a good lover based upon the way a person kisses, dances, or hugs. It all seems too unrelated to me. However, I do have a method for selecting who I kiss, or at least a way of immediately disqualifying promising candidates. I wait to see if they end up with a cigarette dangling from their hands; the telltale puff of smoke haloing their head as they coolly extract the cylinder from between their lips, exhaling with that cool, calculated, devil may care expression. It kills it for me.

However, this was not always a standard of mine. I was young and naive, out with the girl I was dating at the time. As she continued to consume copious amounts of alcohol, she lit up a cigarette, an act I had never seen her perform in the past. I will never forget the lingering taste as our lips met. It was like what I imagine kissing an ashtray would be like. The bitter acidic flavor permeated my entire body and it became a mission to escape from her embrace as quickly as possible. Please, dear God, let me go. From that night on, I was a devout follower of a new doctrine: no matter how hot she is, if there's something round and long between her lips, it better not be a cigarette.

To this day, I continue to marvel, not just at the fact that people continue to smoke, but that these people actually find other people willing to kiss them, let alone procreate with them. I cannot imagine having to suffer through that experience every day for any period of time, and I have dated women with some of the most devastating and debilitating halitosis of all time.

It's Been A While

I know, I know. I have not written in over a week on this thing I call my blog, but again, I have been busy.

I went to Chicago two weekends ago and experienced both Pizzeria Uno and Pizzeria Due. The latter is across the street from the former. Apparently, early on, Uno's just got too darn crowded. So the owner opened up a second restaurant across the street. Brilliant! And because not as many people seem to know about Pizzeria Due, it appears to be less crowded and easier to get a table there. We went to Uno's on a whim, saying well, while their pizza is often a little too greasy, we are in Chicago and we should at east try it to say that we tried it before we leave. Oh my God. Forget Giordano's. Forget Gino's East. No, no, no, my friend. Pizzeria Uno and Due is where it is at. Uno's was so good we went to Due the next day for more. And even today, I wake up with a desire to go back and have some more. Certainly, the best deep dish pizza I have ever had. I wish the franchised stores could make it as well as those two places do.

I discovered a new Web-based financial management site. It was written up in a number of places and got some stellar reviews. In fact, the reviews were so good, the company was inundated with new customers wanting to use their product, and their servers couldn't keep up with the demand. It took them several days to install additional servers and get everything running smoothly but they appear to have accomplished it. What is so cool about this site, is you enter your username and password for all of your credit card and bank accounts and it automatically goes there and pulls all your transaction data and keeps it up to date on an ongoing basis, so you do not have to keep entering your transactions as you go. It also categorizes your transactions, and keeps track of your debt to cash ratio and your interest rates and gives you a comparative analysis, based upon national averages, makes suggestions of you could save additional money, and gives you charts as to how much of your budget goes to what - travel, entertainment, gas, groceries, etc. In short, it's exactly what I always wanted. The site is called Mint, and it's completely free. How is it free you may ask because I sure know I did. Well, remember how I said it figures out ways for you to save money, like it pointed out to me that I could open an ING checking account and earn over 4% on my money. 4% in a checking account with no minimum balance! Insane. Well, ING pays them for that ad placement recommendation, as do other companies that offer cool programs and offers that can save or earn you extra money. Is it safe? Well, they sound pretty safe, and their security practices have been approved by e-Trust and Verisign.

As to the trip planning for Costa Rica, because Kate asked. The planning is going great. I have mostly figured out all the logistics of the trip and have selected hotels that we could probably stay at and how much most of all of that will cost. I eliminated one city and possibly added a different one, as it was just logistically easier. Our trip will probably not involve most of the beaches in Costa Rica, which we are mostly ok with, as we live in Florida and can go to the beach whenever we want. We were more interested in the rafting, kayaking, volcanoes and rain forest exploration than the beaches. Maybe if we go back, we will try to take in more beach areas. Overall, though, the trip sounds like it is going to be amazing. Absolutely everyone I know who has been says it is just an amazing place and as more and more retired foreigners and speculators are settling there and trying to make it even more of a tourist destination, I feel fairly sure that if I do not get there soon, I will lose almost any chance I have of seeing it as something other than Disneyland. And that's the story on Costa Rica. If you have any individual questions, let me know. I have looked through about eight travel books on the country and have a couple of favorites so far, but we will see how I feel about them after I get back. I have also done research on other areas of the country and the beaches, but my predominant focus has been elsewhere.

Ok, now off to being busy again.

Keeping Up

Yes, I know I said I was going to post more frequently, but then a friend had a birthday party and another had an engagement party and I had to reorganize my apartment and hang out with the guys and see my best friend, and then there's the matter of the girlfriend and planning for my next vacation with her and my best friend. Some have argued that planning for a vacation that is over six months away is a bit premature, but just getting the immunizations I need for it is going to take six months and I do not have very much time, on a consistent basis, to sit and read and plan and look at information on transportation, hotels, tours and budgets for myself and two other people. Besides, I know if anything goes wrong, I'm going to be in trouble for the entire trip and at least a year after. So, I better make sure I research as much as I can.

I love that I am going to get two go on this trip with two of my favorite people. I just hope everyone gets along for the whole trip, but I think everyone's needs will be met. We will see rain forests, repel down waterfalls, go white water rafting, ocean kayaking, and be exposed to tons of nature. We are going to have fun, dammit - even if it kills us. The itinerary I am working on right now may be a little ambitious but I figure if I can do 4 cities in Italy in 10 days, I can easily do 4 cities in Costa Rica in an equal amount of time. Especially seeing that I do not think anyone wants to hit the San Jose museums, as we have all been to Italy. Plus, my girlfriend and my best friend both speak Spanish. So, I'm saved.

I have two friends that just got back from Costa Rica that said it was the best time ever. The family of one of them suggested that we all buy an ocean front house down there so that we have somewhere to stay whenever we fly in, which in my opinion, is not such a bad idea and could be a great investment. But then I might feel like going there for all of my vacations and I would miss out on all the other places I want to see. One of my friends said that there are so many retired Americans living there that it is crazy. I like to think of it as a southern Florida. I wonder if they need an estate planning attorney.

Things with my bank eventually got resolved, I think. It's hard to say, as I still have been experiencing odd problems with them. For example, the account number they gave me for my new account did not match the number on my online statement (a digit was missing). They did not see this as a problem and part of me did not want to see it as a problem either, but I have been forced to be somewhat anal about stuff like this because the banks I deal with when I am doing estate planning or probate are rather focused on it as well. For example, if I obtain a Court Order, or submit an authorization, with the wrong account number on it (which could easily happen if the statements I am working off of are wrong), the bank may very easily make me submit a corrected one, which can be costly and just a hassle for everyone. Unfortunately, my bank did not seem to really care and could not adequately explain why it was happening.

I also found this great site. I am sure many of you already know about it, as it has been around for a while, but it is still a new love to me. It is a great resource if you are ever having trouble with a big company (like a cell phone carrier, a bank, an airline) and want to find out how to escalate your complaint or maybe how to get out of that pesky service agreement. It is also a great site to research companies before you sign up with them. Overall, just a great free resource that seems to finally put some power back into the hands of the consumers. Sprint actually created a customer service line just for readers of that Website, staffed by folks that actually have a clue.

So as you can see, I have been keeping myself busy.

Forgotten Details

With the passing of my friend, I was reminded of a couple things that few people plan for prior to their passing, but which often come up after they have shuffled on to the great beyond.

If you have online accounts, especially with automatic debits scheduled, make sure someone else has the ability to access them after you are gone - and not just your significant other because, often, they may go when you do. I went through this weekend with Roboform and had it store the login information for all of my accounts and then put my master password with my Will. I know this may seem trivial, but it can take quite a while for your family to pull all of your records together, find an attorney, get all the documents signed, get to Court, obtain Death Certificates and get the necessary documents to the correct departments of all the companies. In all that time, you may have automatically debited your account for thousands of dollars, which can be significant - especially if any of the debt (like most student loans) are discharged at death or if you have an otherwise insolvent Estate. More than anything, figuring out all of these details can be a real headache for your family and loved ones. Plus, Roboform is free.

I know I have not updated here in about two weeks. Sorry about that. I had a funeral to attend the weekend before last and last weekend, I was in a wedding and both events were out of town. Overall, I think I preferred the funeral to the wedding, which probably sounds a little morbid. However, it was just easier and more fun for me, I think. I saw more people that I knew and liked at the funeral and had fewer headaches and nicer people to deal with. Fortunately, the bride and groom were not aware of most of the major debacles that occurred in the days leading up to the wedding, and they were in their own state of bliss. However, for those of us just along for the ride, it was a painful experience that I hope not to have to repeat for at least a year or two.

The funeral was good, I guess. It gave me a chance to see some friends I have not seen in years and we were able to sit and laugh and exchange stories about our friend who is no longer with us. I do not think it was the magical experience that I have often heard funerals described as. I did not leave the event thinking, "Alright, now it all makes sense; I'm ready to move on." Instead, I think I departed feeling just about as confused as ever about my loss as I had before. However, I definitely felt it was a worthwhile experience to attend and his family really appreciated how many people had shown up to honor their son.

I guess that nutshells the past couple weeks of my life. I will try and do better at posting more frequently on more items of note and interest.

Thoughtless

A friend of mine recently complained that my blog is not introspective enough for her anymore. She feels that the posts are not as thought provoking as they once were and she is left having to try and find her inspiration in horoscopes and Post Secret. "Now it's just all about your life." I guess my life has lost its luster. The intrigue and excitement traded in for a steady girlfriend. Now my largest daily crusade is trying to find the time to go to the gym and have hours of sex. It is torture.

On the bright side, I still have an incompetent bank. I have held an account with Washington Mutual Bank ("WAMU") for over nine years now. Sure, we got off to a rocky start when they accused me of larceny because they failed to process my opening deposit check correctly and believed that I had tried to defraud them for hundreds of dollars. However, that was all water under the bridge. We had moved on with our respective lives and were now the best of friends. I had cajoled at least two other people into opening accounts with them in the last six months, and they had sent me more free checks, even though my account is so old that it does not actually qualify for free checks. And when I went overseas, no bank treated me better. They gave me a free international 800 number to use and a number to call collect, in case anything happened. They also typically respond to the emails I send to them within 6 to 10 minutes. Always a nice feature to have when you are planning for your trip or trapped in some small Italian town, unable to access your cash because the Italian bank you are using does not give out more than 150 Euros at a time, but they tell you it is because your bank has frozen your account.

Last week, WAMU sent me a little message. "Open a savings account with us and get a 5% APR." Not a bad deal. I already have an online account with HSBC that gives me a little bit of a higher interest rate, but WAMU would be local for me, and I have a longer history with them. There's a connection - I see it when our eyes meet and they tell me they love me. So I decided to apply for a new account. This is when I learned that WAMU had only been plying me with nice words and cheap wine so that they could bend me over and give me the shaft.

As it turns out, WAMU had kept a notation on my account, from back when I first opened the darn thing, saying that I was a bad account holder and had attempted to commit larceny with them. Note that I never actually did anything wrong and that nine years ago they wrote me an apology letter for the incident. No matter, the notation was there and I could not open my account. Not only that, no one could figure out: (A) why the notation was still there after over nine years and (B) how to remove it.

It took me almost two weeks and multiple phone calls to various departments, from which I was often disconnected in the middle of a transfer. After day 8, I was convinced that Sprint's customer service had infiltrated and taken over WAMU's. It was fantastic, but in that bad way that makes you feel like you just did something you are going to regret and are going to need to get tested. At the end of the day, it was not even WAMU that fixed the problem. They had told me it was fixed, but I later learned that nothing had actually been done, despite all their little account notations to the contrary. To top it all off, after they realized that my life was still a living hell and that they were at fault, they told me that there was nothing more that they could do. The customer service woman told me she would completely understand if I wanted to close my accounts and take my business elsewhere. Desperate for some closure to all of this, I went to WAMU's "Early Warning" fraud company and explained to them what was happening. They also saw lots of account notations, but also explained to me quite politely that there was nothing that they could do either, except pass it up the food chain of management again and see if possibly something got done this time. Miraculously, a day later, it was fixed. Two weeks, twenty service reps and hours of painful frustration later, and I could go ahead and give WAMU more of my money.

The thing I find most frustrating in dealing with telephone customer service, today, is the fact that no one speaks English as their primary language, and they are all dumb. I nearly always have to get transferred to a supervisor or some other higher-end department to reach someone who sounds like they might have a glimpse of a thought dancing in their head and that might comprehend the English language beyond, "Thank you. Come again." And it is not the fact that English is not their primary language that is so frustrating (granted, it can be a little frustrating on a phone call - where you have to rely on the English language to convey all that you are thinking and feeling), it's the fact that they are dumb as toast. Reading from their little scripts and annoyed and angered when you ask to speak to a supervisor that might actually be able to understand what you are saying and help you.

I feel like customer service, across the board, has taken a dramatic cut in the corporate model. Almost no company seems to emphasize it anymore because they are all too busy saving money with shipping it overseas. And I get the fact that a lot of customers are dumb and annoying too and that they can approach you with questions that baffle the mind and make you want to sign them up for the first manned space flight to Pluto, but there are also people like me that would rather not waste hours and hours on the phone, having to fight with a company to get them to do their blasted jobs.

Now that Mattel is in the middle of doing its second recall of toys in the past month, I begin to wonder if maybe more companies will begin to question the wisdom of shipping things overseas just so that they can save a buck. I wonder if maybe companies will begin to realize that, "Hey, maybe you really do get what you pay for." And maybe they will begin to emphasize education in their workers, rather than just someone that can fill a seat. Or maybe they are all waiting for the market to force them to take these steps.

Really?

I had to read her words at least two times for them to really gain any recognition in my head. She was not telling me that my friend was sick or that he needed an operation or that he had been severely injured. No, her words were quite clear, explaining to me that my friend, her lover, had "passed away in a very serious and tragic accident". But she had to be kidding. None of my friends have just up and died, at least none my own age. Sure, there were a couple of people in high school, but I knew them mostly in passing. This was not just someone I knew tangentially. This was someone I kept up with on a fairly regular basis, and she was telling me that I would not be doing that anymore.

It was too much to take in on a Tuesday morning. Who the hell goes on vacation to the Grand Canyon and dies? I guess, my friend does (did). My brain is still getting used to the fact that my friend and I will never communicate again. It does not quite seem real that he and I will not just strike up casual conversations. That he won't be there to tell me about his misadventures and tell me about his great accomplishments. He made mead in his spare time. I know that may sound dumb, but he was really good at it. He won gold medals in national competitions. He really loved it. I love it when people love what they do. I think that is such a great thing.

He had lost so much weight in the last few years, almost a whole person. He was so proud of himself. I was really proud of him. He had found a woman that he loved and who loved him back. Things were going pretty well for the guy, and then that was it. The "Game Over" logo had flashed across the screen and he had no more quarters left in his pocket to continue.

Whenever I really think about it, which I try very hard not to do, I start thinking of how suddenly life can slip just beyond our grasp. Like a small wisp to which we struggle in vain to cling. I think, here was a man working so hard and getting his life together and doing such great stuff and now it is over. He was not at the end of his days. There was no indication that he was going to just stop breathing on the first Thursday of the month. It was so sudden, and it makes me sad to think of how hard he worked and how he likely planned in his mind for his future and now it is all over. I still cannot quite get my head around it.

I Blame Harry Potter

Ok, so this time I was called out by both Amber and Kate for not carrying out my Blogger duty of writing at least a single post per week. It's not my fault, though. It's that boy's. That Harry Potter lad. Last week, I spent all my free time, and I didn't have a lot of it, finishing the book. Then last weekend, through the beginning of this week, I was in Chicago. Since I got back, I have been insanely busy at work and have been having terrible trouble sleeping. I often have reasonable difficulties sleeping, but it was getting really bad. So bad that when I would finally be able to go home, I didn't actually have the energy to do much of anything, let alone compose a coherent thought for my blog. It was as though dementors had surrounded my house. Ok, ok. It wasn't all that bad, but it wasn't good.

The good news is that it's Friday. Friday, people! How cool is that?

As to Harry Potter, Book 7. I thought the book was good. There were parts of it that annoyed me, much like there are parts of her other books that I find a little boring or annoying, at times. However, I think I found at least one complete plot hole in this book, possibly two. I was particularly disappointed with the last couple of chapters of the book. It felt like her editors had made Rowling (or whoever the author actually is) write it. I can't go into too much detail here about it, of course, so as not to give away too many spoilers. It was pretty funny, though, to see people reading it wherever I went over the past two weeks. I kept asking my girlfriend if I should just walk up to someone I would see reading it and tell them how it ended, but she was firmly convinced that this was a entirely bad idea. Go figure.

Chicago was warm, finally. We're talking 80 and 90 degree weather. Not that cold that hits you in the face and knocks you on your ass that I have come to know and expect from the Windy City. I even got to spend some time walking along Lake Michigan, which has been preserved no better than the Atlantic Ocean, I am sorry to say. However, I hear it is improving. Maybe. I got to see two shows - one of them at Second City. It was such a great show. Not only were the performers funny, but they bring you copious amounts of alcohol, for a small fee. It was really a lot of fun. The other show ... was not exactly what I had in mind.

The concept of the second show seemed to be that the performers attempted to completely knock down the fourth wall, and allow their audience unfettered access to, and participate in, the actual performance. This approach gave rise to such exciting things as an audience member's personal details from her blog being exposed to the entire audience and a performer and an audience member getting into a brawl on stage. Again, it was not what I had in mind, but my girlfriend loved it and my mind grew as a result of it, so no harm done. Finally, I got to eat some wonderful food, again. It was sort of typical Chicago fare this time. Not really any fancy restaurants, mostly local spots that average people there would go to everyday. For example, we went to a well known local spot that serves some delicious chili, pizzas, and blue margaritas. Yum.

I am becoming a big fan of Southwest Airlines for a number of reasons. First, their flights to and from Chicago seem faster than any other airline, by at least 15 minutes - up to one half hour. Second, their people seem genuinely nice. It is often just such a pleasure to fly with them. Third, their frequent flier program is based upon number of flights, not number of miles. I think you get rewards as of your twelfth flight, that is only six trips. Plus, they now have a pretty nifty tool on their Website that lets you know all their available fares for every day of any month between two cities. Very cool.

I guess that about brings us up to date. My work here is done.

Weekly Update

Kate called me out yesterday, noting that it had been eight days and I still had not updated my blog. Her blog, however, is partly to blame, as I spent all my spare time crafting long winded comments in response to her short and concise ones. See what I did there - totally flipping it onto her. Yeah, I'm cool like that.

The problem is that half of what has consumed the last week of my life, I cannot really disclose. I genuinely feared for my safety for at least a day or two, as I watched an attorney roll the dice and throw his entire career away. I am fairly sure that he never meant to let it get as far as it did and he has taken the steps necessary and turned himself in to the authorities, but it is quite possible the worse is not over yet.

I also have not been able to sleep. This has done wonders for my reading. I finished some book this week that Stephen King called the best mystery of the decade, which makes it quite obvious to me that Mr. King does not read. Ok, maybe he reads, but he certainly does not read mysteries. What a waste of my life that book was. I thought the author's writing style - when she was not hopping back and forth across the story time line and switching character point of view at the drop of a hat - was really interesting. Some of the techniques she used to paint the scenes were really cool, but the storyline itself seemed to be a waste of pages that never really led to the climax that I had hoped so desperately for.

On the bright side, the last Harry Potter novel comes out this week. I recently disclosed to my girlfriend that I have my doubts that J.K. Rowling actually wrote any of the books past Book 2. I imagine she may have written the rough drafts or something, but those books (Books 3 through 6, thus far), when you compare them to the first two, are just leaps and bounds beyond anything that J.K. Rowling seemed capable of. I am sure many die-hard Rowling fans would want to lynch me for such blasphemy, but seriously, either she invested in some serious writing classes with the proceeds from the first two books, or she found someone to do the grunt work for her, knowing that Harry Potter had a momentum all its own and she was now just the figurehead for all of it. A cog in the wheel. Either way, she was going to have enough money at the end of the trip to retire. Hell, she'll have enough money for her and at least four other families of four to retire.

I just read Stephanie Klein's latest post, and it was so sad to read. Stephanie was one of the first bloggers I ever read regularly and based upon the comments I see there, ever since she got married and had children, I seem to be one of the few men that still reads her. It's become a virtual estrogen love-fest/hate-fest for the ages. Well, she recently had twins, and she just had to take her son to the ER yesterday. They had to perform some sort of surgery to relieve a very abnormal amount of pressure in his brain and have determined that he has some sort of illness that I know nothing about. He is now hooked-up to monitors and such and they do not seem to know if he will recover and be healthy. They really do not seem to know much of anything. I feel so sad for her and her son.

My Weekly Thing

So I appear to only be updating my blog about once or twice per week. I have become a slacker. I used to think I was a slacker before, but now it is completely clear to me that you do not really become a complete slacker until you do not even use one of your best means of procrastination.

On Sunday, I went to fill my asthma medicine prescription and learned that my prescription - you know the one I have to fill every month or I could die - yeah, it's $60 a pop now. $60! That's over $700 per year for one medication. It's crazy. I don't know why I have insurance. I asked my pharmacist if there was any other medication that was comparable and he said no. But my insurance company says maybe and so I have called my doctor. My girlfriend asked if I wanted to go see Sicko and I told her I didn't think I needed to, as I now appear to be living it.

After the minor setback with the medication, we went to Dave and Busters for some drinks, pool, and video game action. I single handedly won over 400 tickets, after hitting jackpot over and over on that Wheel of Fortune game, but that was nothing compared to how many tickets we won through computer glitches in the games. We ended up walking out of there with well over 3,000 tickets, which we were able to trade in for valuable prizes and merchandise. Even better, my dinner came with another $20 game card, so we can totally go back and do it all again soon.

Last night was spent at the beach. See, there I go again - slacking off at a beach when I could be sitting and updating my blog. However, the ocean water is now over 80 degrees and it was gently calling, "J, come to my beautiful shores." It is hard to argue with the ocean, you see because it just keeps saying the same thing over and over again until you give in. Then it takes you and caresses you with its gentle waves and warm ocean breezes. Unless, of course, it crushes you with its waves and has sharks eat you or infects you with sea lice. Depends on the ocean's mood, I tell you.

I also learned that Wordpress blogs are now free. So for all of you out there that were sitting there thinking, "Damn, I wish I too could have a Wordpress blog, but I am a cheap bastard and do not like paying for such things," now is your time to shine. It even has a tool that they claim will import your old blog (including a Blogger blog) so that you can have an entirely seamless experience. The Website also claims that Wordpress blogs plays nice with personal domain names. So get out there and see the world, or the virtual world of Wordpress.

I shopped for a new T-Mobile phone this weekend too. T-Mobile has this really cool new thing going on with some of its phones. You can now use the T-Mobile Hot*Spots (available at places like Starbucks) and any other open WiFi access point, including the one in your home (what do you mean you don't have WiFi in your home? Have you been living under a rock? Everyone is wireless nowadays) to make phone calls and the calls do not count against your minutes. Plus, if you start the call at a WiFi point and walk out to say, go to the beach or something, the call gets handed over to the cellular network and you just keep talking like nothing ever happened and those minutes *still* do not count toward your monthly total. The way I see it is that given that there is pretty much a Starbucks everywhere, all you ever really have to do when you want to call someone is get within the vicinity of one, place the call and then walkout to go do whatever terribly important thing it was you had to do, like go play video games and win cheap and overpriced prizes.

Infrequent

As those of you who still read my blog might have noticed, I have not been updating frequently, and when I do, it is often with writing exercises and short character scene sketches, which have been rather fun to write. Unfortunately, after the last installment, I found out that my girlfriend was becoming attached to my characters and she didn't want anything bad to happen to them, which greatly limited my options. So I sort of let the characters sit. I also was not sure if many readers actually liked the writing or the style of it. They were unpolished.

However, all of that still does not explain why I have been so lax in updating. Part of it has been a lack of creativity on my part. I've just felt drained. I have been really busy at work the last couple of months and and when I get home at night, I haven't had the energy to pour into a new post. Plus, I have finally started going back to the gym on a somewhat regular basis. I am supposed to workout at least three times per week, with some physical therapy exercises thrown in and attend physical therapy once per week for about the next month. The shoulder recovery will probably not be 100%, but it should be better than it was. I also got my final cavity filled, but found out that I need to go in for surgery and get all my wisdom teeth out.

I have also had some family issues going on. I do not have a very big family. In fact, I barely have any family. Almost my entire family has abandoned me over my life, is it any wonder I have trouble forming healthy attachments. I think all of that has taken its toll on me emotionally, as has some crazy financial adviser lady in-town that decided to pursue a mission in getting me fired this past week. The excitement just never seems to end. However, things have been more or less good.

I still have the same girlfriend and I do not hate her. This is a huge thing for me because normally within three months, often three weeks, I am tired of the woman I am dating and want to breakup with her, but I like this one. We've even been testing the limits and living with each other for weeks at a time and so far, I haven't scared her away. I think she must be crazy.

I got a phone call from a former student this week. She needed advice regarding her legal career options. She just had her first child a couple of years ago and she's getting divorced. I barely knew she was even married and now she's going to be divorced. And I just found out last week that another woman I know has been married and divorced already. It was all so fast, like a shooting star. It's often stories like that that make me feel alright for not being in a rush to walk down the aisle and exchange tokens in front of friends and family; there simply is no need to rush the rest of one's life.

He Speaks

Rachel's heart raced as he walked through the door, an experience normally reserved for her nights at the gym. Although, she felt he could likely give her a much more satisfying workout. However, Richard wasn't having any of it. You had to hand it to the man, not a lot of men (wedding band or not) could resist a 21 year old woman's advances for three years straight and counting. She often wondered why he didn't just terminate her. He had never been anything but kind to her, however.

Richard seemed to have an extra spring in his step as he entered and greeted Rachel, an exercise he had repeated with meticulous regularity over the years, sharing a smile with her that he normally reserved for his daughter. He knew she had a crush on him and he knew it was completely inappropriate, but he chalked it up to Rachel needing a father figure in her life and her mistaking those feelings for him as love, or that's what that Dr. Phil-type psychologist had said to the girl who had called in one day. Richard assumed it was a condition she would eventually outgrow and just didn't see it as a problem of any real consequence. Despite all the examples he knew to the contrary, Richard could never see himself as carrying on an affair. He just wasn't wired that way.

Many of his friends had stories of their extramarital exploits - they would share them in whispers over pints at the local drinking establishments, and if nothing else, they were tremendously entertaining. However, he could just never do that to his family. He loved his wife. Granted, their love had been, at times, more clinical than passionate, but it was genuine, and his love for his children was beyond reproach. Yes, Samantha and David could be a bit of a handful, at times, but he loved them unconditionally. He loved seeing them smile more than seeing the sunrise, and he was so proud of their accomplishments. His car covered in those pretentious, "my child is on the honor roll," bumper stickers. He could not imagine ever bringing pain into their lives that way.

Their mother was not who anyone would have expected him to end up with. And if her sudden pregnancy in college hadn't occurred, they likely wouldn't have lasted the year, but that wasn't how they were raised. You had to make it work for the children. That's what they said. He swore there had been a sexual revolution somewhere along the way, but somehow his parents and wife had missed it, at least in this respect. There was a way things were done. So he buckled down - traded in his somewhat promising career as a musician for one as an attorney, "Every one's got to pay the mortgage," and set about making a life centered around his family. The odd thing was that Mary and his children were probably the best things that had ever happened in his life. His love for Mary had blossomed over the years and had added a vibrancy to his life that he very likely would have otherwise missed. Somehow, he had grown up to be the man he had always imagined, although, he wasn't quite clear when it had all happened.

This morning had been a tremendous release for them both. The last several weeks had been punctuated with stress regarding their children passing school and state exams, and helping them review and getting them to this practice or that lesson. It was as if a whirlwind of chaos existed in their home at all times over the past several weeks, and then, suddenly, there was calm, and there was a moment and he used it for all it was worth. He still remembered her nails digging into him and her legs wrapping around his body as she writhed in ecstasy....

Richard looked up from some documents as he heard someone enter his office and close the door. "Looks like someone got some this morning." It was John, Richard's friend from law school and another attorney at the firm. Apparently, the smile on his face had not gone unnoticed by the other members of his office. Fortunately, John was smart enough to say it behind closed doors.

A smile of satisfaction and ego appeared on Richard's face. "I took care of that."

"It's about fucking time, man. I was starting to worry about you."

Work Day

Regina continued to gaze over at Mary. Something was different about her. Regina's co-worker had been smiling more and there was a spring in her step. She reminded her of her eight year old daughter that seemed to be enjoying her summer vacation more than should ever be allowed. It was as though she had found a secret fountain of happiness somewhere. Regina snatched another Dove chocolate from her drawer, and savored the warmth of the confection as it slowly flowed down her throat. Maybe Mary had just found some really good chocolate.

Mary felt every one's eyes upon her, the center of attention for everyone, or so she had herself believing. She smiled over at Regina, who seemed to have a slightly quizzical look on her face. The two had worked side-by-side for over ten years, back before Regina even had children. She had gotten to watch Regina grow and become the woman that she was over the years. In many ways, Regina was like another daughter to Mary, and in her mind had ceased to advance in years past the age of seventeen. Sure, they talked about children and marriage, but more as one confides with a daughter. Regina's husband was a nice enough guy, but he never would have likely kept her attention if he hadn't knocked her up at the tender age of sixteen. Suddenly the man that was only ever good enough for a passing fancy was her one and only for the rest of her life, or that's how the storybooks read. Mary was too far advanced past fairy tales to really give them much more than a passing thought, but she could never bring herself to remove any such hope from someone she loved and cared for.

"Did you get a raise?"

Mary smiled back at the question. The grin simply could not be removed from her face and it seemed to continually grow with each passing second. "You know annual reviews aren't until December," she replied with a knowing coy glance.

Regina tossed this around in her brain momentarily and then her mind landed on something unexpected. "You're children are away at camp now, aren't they?"

"Mmmm hmmmm." She couldn't suppress the almost gigglish smile that was spreading across her face now, as her eyes danced. She struggled to keep her face down and focus on her filing, knowing that if she met Regina's gaze she would break into a fit of exuberance.

"So you and Joe had a good morning, then? It must be peaceful without the children around."

Finally, Mary looked up. "My morning was many things, but I wouldn't call it peaceful." The two exchanged a knowing glance and merriment danced across their faces. One vicariously exuberant with the happiness of her friend. This would definitely give them something to talk about and breakup the monotony of another day in their bleak office.

Early Monday Morning

She brushed the hair out of her face and slowed down just enough to smile. Sure it had made her late, but the moment she had shared with him earlier that morning still made her knees a little weak, and made the prospect of another day at this pointless governmental job easier to accept. It had been a while since they had stolen a moment like that - like teenage newlyweds again. Normally, the whirlwind of activity that filled their lives began at sunup and continued well after sundown, getting the kids packed up and getting them to school, picking up after them, refereeing their fights, helping them with homework. However, summer had arrived, and with it sleep away camp had provided some much needed time and relief.

No one had ever told her that her life would be like this. She loved her life and she adored her children, but she just thought it would be different. She had different hopes and dreams as an adolescent. At some point, she had let them go rushing past her face to embrace the life that she now had. Sometimes the loss hit her straight in the face and she spent a moment questioning her entire life and the direction of it. Dreaming of what her life would have been like if maybe things were just a little different. Maybe if she had not had children. Maybe if she had risked a little more. Maybe if she had pursued that opportunity. It was supposed to have turned out differently. But when he held her in his arms this morning, as they both struggled to catch their breath and she rested her head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat, she could not imagine her life to be any other way. In that moment it was clear that this was exactly where she was supposed to be. In that moment, all the little voices of question and doubt were silenced and all she could think of was how perfect this moment was.

She quickened her pace again to catch the door that was being held open for her, plunging herself into another day of mindless activity, but at least now she had something else more fun to let her mind explore, their upcoming evening together.