Popcorn

I had popcorn for dinner last night. No, not even the delicious kettle corn popcorn or even popcorn cooked in oil with yummy buttery goodness cooked right in. No, I had simple popcorn, popped in an air popper. I am fairly sure it had absolutely no fat and yet it somehow satisfied me. Don't ask me why or how because if you did, I couldn't tell you.

All I know is that I woke up and began working by 10. Somewhere in there, there was a short break for lunch and then I worked, without moving, until 7 that night. I suppose I didn't have to finish all of that work this weekend. I could have tried to delay or postpone it but it would have just made the work that much harder because each time I went back to it, I would have had to remember where I left off and remember my system and it would have ended up taking longer than it did.

Saturday was a little better. I actually got out of the house for a little while. When I came home, I passed out on the couch. I awoke wondering how I ended up on the couch instead of in bed, convinced that it must be 3 or 4 in the morning. Fortunately, I hadn't slept the entire night away and there was still a little time left in which to eat and return phone calls.

What was my point? I have no idea. Other than the fact that popcorn is freaking magical. I think I may be working too hard. I guess I muct be working too hard, as I did not liveup to my goal of two updates this past week, but I am working and that is good. I like paychecks. They help me pay for really cool things like ... popcorn.

But Don't You Believe Them

Hillary always uses a song lyric as the title to her posts. Given that she is much better at updating her blog than I am and makes me laugh on a regular basis, I thought I would take a page from her.

I almost decided to giving up blogging entirely, owing to time constraints but then a funny thing happened, people started emailing me, asking how I was doing and what was wrong. I didn't even think anyone still bothered reading me, given that I hardly ever update anymore but it seems I was mistaken.

In answer to your question, Sally, yes, I am still working the same insane hours. This is the main reason for my lack of updating. Many of my friends who are attorneys work absolutely ridiculous hours, but many of them see light at the end of the tunnel. "I only have to work this hard for the next few months and then I will be caught up." I do not have this luxury. I am fairly certain that I will be working these hours for as long as I choose to remain at this job (or for as long as they desire to keep me, whichever feeling lasts the shortest.)

I have been a little out of it. I no longer know what to write or what to say. I lost my rhythm for writing. I spend most of my time keeping up on other people's blogs and commenting whenever I have something reasonably intelligible to say. (Also, for most of the last week, I have been sick.) However, I know that it important that I retain some outside interests and some sort of a life. So, I will make an effort to update here at least twice per week going forward. We'll see how I do.

I hope all of you are doing well.

Disconnect

People sometimes say things that are foreign to me. Most often, I feel it around the holiday times when people speak of how important family is and the special bond that connects them. "Blood is thicker than water," they say. I often find myself very resistant to these concepts, but it was not until recently I determined why. This concept just does not make sense to me and is completely opposite to what I have learned.

I am not what anyone would consider close to my family. The thought that people would actually look forward to seeing and being with their family for longer than an hour or two is shocking and ridiculous to me. Why would they possibly want to do this.? However, I know people who actually enjoy their family. They cannot wait to see their siblings and parents and spend time with them. It is not just something they say to sound cool and popular. Although, I also know many people that say these things just to say them. Meanwhile, in their hearts the actual act of spending time with their family makes them wish for death ... or at least morphine. They have been taught, and somewhere in their minds believe, that they enjoy it - deriving some perverse pleasure from the misery. Much like Stockholm's syndrome.

I wonder how many other things might be like this. I often find that I will tell people things that they have never heard or thought about and they are initially uncomfortable with the concept and dismiss it immediately. I know others that languish in relationships, of one form or another, that clearly have no hope of satisfying their needs or making them happy. People like to believe things that are comfortable familiar and I believe for me, it was comfortable to believe that no one really enjoys their families. However, I think the real answer is I just do not particularly enjoy most of mine and it is foreign to me to think that anyone else could.